em dash, pharm.d., et al, etc 🫀🔥🧠

I'm extremely grateful that spiders don't scream back.

I was in a taxi today and the driver said, "I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do." Then I said: "Turn left here."

@DavidKister1 tell me about it 😑

no honey that’s a triple

@tjchambersLA I don’t know what to tell you, teej 😬

@shelldash Oh. Oh no. There’s so much to unpack here; a theater with martinis? Potential skullduggery?? Desecrating the Barbie movie no less?

I think I left my glasses at a 7-Eleven whilst buying wine for a classy backyard pool party, but I can’t be like “excuse me for a moment I need to run back to the 7-Eleven where I acquired this wine to bring to your lovely home”

sorry I never saw this one til just now so

whoops I meant violently violet 😛

just imagine how spectacularly exhausting being this queen’s alter-ego must have been for the poor soul who was assigned that sorry task

“come collaborate with us, it’ll be fun and we swear on our lives we’ll never tell you anyone were involved,” they giggled just before injecting the cocaine

cause of divorce: open.spotify.com/track/0ieqq1wb…

hate when I get so high my amygdala starts trying to rewrite the barbie movie

not *my* fault these violet delights have such violetly violent ends 😇😈🔥

maybe it’s time for a wonder woman who masturbates while she flies

imagine literally being “american horror story”

big mistake, sweetie

yay 💊💊💊

I don’t care what I get for Christmas as long as it’s wrapped in this 🤣🤣 get it here —> etsy.me/38RYzyF twitter.com/hitchend/statu…

@actual_farmer lololol 😒

@shelldash Fair enough.

just whispered, “oh, what a dangerous creature you are” to myself, how many nails should I swallow

I hope people who had to deal with me in public over the last couple of years understand how hard it was for me to stand still while most of them were talking to me