DevOps Borat

In startup we are gamify site outage. Three outage and ops team is out.

Attention devops! Make of sure you have strong plan C. Plan A and B are never work.

In startup we have great of capability for churn out solution. Please send problem, we are pay good money.

You can not able spell business without BS.

In startup we are only use technology if is cover in blog of expert devops on benchmark is run on own laptop.

Cloud is not ready for enterprise if is not integrate with single server running Active Directory.

Fact of useless: 90% of data is not exist 2 year ago. Fact of use: 90% of data is useless.

Every PaaS can able be reduce to 120 Perl script.

In startup we are practice Outage Driven Infrastructure.

Dirty secret of Big Data is you can not able deploy if you not have SQL expert on staff.

You can not able have unlimit scalability without unlimit outage.

Word "impossible" is not exist in devops vocabulary. Instead we are use "done by Q4".

For increase revenue we are introduce paywall between dev team and ops team.

50% of devops are confuse causation with correlation. Other 50% are just take wild ass guess.

So many of enterprise Hadoop vendor, so little of time.

Correct ratio is 1 devops for 100 server because is not possible of ssh and give personalize attention on more server in 1 day.

In devops we have best minds of generation are deal with flaky VPN client.

Source of Microsoft and Hortonworks are tell me Hadoop for Windows is release as Excel plugin.

Source of Mozilla is tell me Firefox OS is write in HTML5 one-liner.

For every of stakeholder involve in your project is completion of project delay by 6 month.