becs (STILL FUCKING IP)

you can’t ask me for my hobbies and then get mad when I tell you it’s getting high and binge purging

Hey google how much eye contact is appropriate during a conversation

I <3 food

@vampirceline It’s turkey and it is somehow MORE dry than it looks

@beckstaa Jesus christ wtf is wrong with that chicken (?)

If it isn’t beige and dry is it really hospital food

new low I just binge purged for an hour and a half in the hospital with my ND tube in. They turned off the feed because I’ve been “doing such a great job with eating” (I’ve been binging until I can’t move and apparently they cannot tell the difference)

@edtwt_mary Thank you for always showing me love and support Mary. It’s a fucking demon dude ikyk what it feels like. Just a pendulum swinging to and fro to 2 evil, evil extremes. Thank you my love

@beckstaa I fw the parts about feeling as though purging is always an option, and how trying to recover just feels like going from an/bp to bed, mood fr:-/ Mistakes are normal esp w/ smth as addicting as purging, ik it sucks but you're not letting anyone down. You trying is very inspiring

day 15 in the hospital and I just broke my purge free streak. I was doing SO well. They had me NPO for 12 days, and I recently got the chance to eat again and I overdid it and I purge silently but the family I’m sharing a room with definitely know what just happened.

@Zoalfcedancers This is beautiful. Love how it’s ensure PLUS specifically this is so fucking real

what i made during art group <\3

The people who showed up for me during my time here. The nurses and doctors and family who are doing their best to support me in recovery. Sorry for the melodrama I’m just having a really low moment. Promised myself I wouldn’t purge and I couldn’t even do that for half a month

I’m disappointed in myself. Getting nutrition really did lift the brainfog and make me feel like maybe I do deserve a real life. But I know as soon as I get out I’m gonna relapse in restriction/BP and spend my time hiding it from people who care about me.

@Zoalfcedancers Looks so cozy

updated hospital bedroom photo

i wish i could give all of my mutuals a hug (if they wanted one, if not we can like high five or something lol) i just feel so bad for all of u eating disorders suck

being NPO as a binger means going through 75 blowpops a day and giving myself the worst runs of my life so I don’t rip out my tube and b/p

leprechaun on the helipad and a visit from the therapy dog make for a good day in the hospital :) been here 10 days now. Happy st Patrick’s day to all healthcare workers and all my mutuals ilysm

@smiskiofedtwt I gave myself SMA syndrome via rapid weight loss so my stomach was just collecting all the food and was at risk of rupture

@beckstaa whyre they emptying ur stomach? forgive me if this is an ignorant question

stomach content update my nurse told me to stop eating lollipops and throat lozenges because it looks like I’m dying 😭 bless her for letting me take a pic. Come get yall juice!!!!