P. J. O'Rourke

No talent? Kind of dim-witted? No shame? Perfect. The celebrity industry needs you — just don’t ever veil your face thebea.st/1fH4yq1

STILL haven't done your taxes? I'll show you how -- 3 parts gin to 1 part Form 1040. In The Daily Beast today.

I do my own taxes with no help, except from a couple of Bloody Marys - a @PJORourke testimonial - thebea.st/1eEW96h via @thedailybeast

Come with me through 117 pages of euphemisms, bureaucracy, and mayhem thebea.st/1gCnLHH

@AnnabelGurwitch @LiveTalksLA Yes. You should seek professional help, but not at The Gap.

@AnnabelGurwitch @LiveTalksLA No. We can get WAY fatter in sweatpants.

Dave Barry & me deep thinking on Amazon. Fix probs. of deficit, climate change & Justin Bieber by plugging our books: omnivoracious.com/2014/01/with-a…

3" of snow in DC and government is shut down. Why didn't GOP just wait for 1st little bit of bad weather?

Been on airlines lots lately. OK except for constant crying of big baby. $1.29 for Pringles? Oh, come on. Infant in next seat noisy too.

On book tour. Please, hotel chains, make letters on little SHAMPOO bottles larger. Spending too much time with Body Lotion in my hair.

Suggest all libertarians follow Ed Crane. Knows how to lead Quixotic struggle -- still thinks Redskins have shot in playoffs.

Calling Dr Orwell: Obama may end #NSA phone data collection and instead require phone companies to do the same.

Twitter stock price down 13% on Fri. due to holiday Tweets being at least 13% dumber than regular everyday Tweets.

Am trying to promote new book. How did Jane Austen do this w/o social media? Will have ask her. Is she on LinkedIn?

Can't promise to be daily but can promise to be beastly -- am joining The Daily Beast Jan. 1 thebea.st/Junt8i via @thedailybeast

N. Korea leadership purge worrying. What if some crazy fat kid with sociopath haircut winds up in charge?

Volcker Rule says banks can't risk own money. Says nothing about banks risking mine.

Must stop reading Sunday NYT or will Tweet myself to death.

JPMorgan hired children of Chinese elite. This sort of thing never happens with children of American elite.

Israel wants to resettle Bedouins. Wait, they're nomads. They resettle themselves. As with so much of the news these days, don't get it.