I'm so money and I don't even know it 🇵🇸

If I had a nickel for every orgasm I've given a woman, I'd have a hundred counterfeit dollars.

Tim Dillon: “The US and Israel right now are like two junky meth heads.” “The town has had enough of this.” “Oh good, it’s America and Israel, everyone’s favorites.” “The thing about Americans … we’ll start a nuclear exchange and then go take a tour of a vineyard in Italy.” “This is not exactly the time to be gallivanting all over the world.” “You’re gonna be an American tourist right now?” “You psychopath.” “We’re destabilizing the globe.” “Have the decency to not inflict yourself on the rest of the world at this point.” “After lighting the fuse that might lead to World War III, we’ve decided we always wanted to see Edinburgh.” “You’re gonna go to Spain and drink wine in the park and be like, well, ‘Israel has the right to defend itself!’” “A bunch of fat American fucking psychopaths invading your country to tell you that Israel needs to attack 19 other countries.” @TimJDillon

The people who did this want you to know international law and civilian life must be protected.

If you think I'm being too harsh on Israel...

@jvgraz "FAilURes in CRISiS MAnAgEment" No need for crisis management, you psychopaths. Just PREVENT THE CRISIS.

wOrSt AtTaCk SiNcE tHe HoLoCaUsT!!

Love that these people are on my side. Absolute brawlers.

At Waffle House this morning the waitress told me, unprompted, "We've got to take Kharg Island. Otherwise we won't be safe." During my taxi ride home, the driver observed, "They call it the 'Forbidden Island.' Well not for Trump! I voted for him to send our boys to Kharg."

@BrainLeakage03 And to think the jokes were especially funny because Chuck was old *back then.*

@Problematic3000 Standing post at FOB Black in ‘06. Nonstop Chuck Norris jokes to pass the time.

I think I'm ready to face Chuck Norris now. (RIP)

We interrupt your scrolling of Israeli titty Instagram to bring you...

@jennasaysquoi And I don't think they're really on a call when they're photographed for those calendars.

i bet firefighters sometimes plant those cats in trees just so they can take them out

My sex life is so bad, the last time my girlfriend came was with the frame.

Perhaps my biggest hurdle to speaking a foreign language is if nobody likes me in English, then nobody's gonna like me in Spanish.

To my esteemed on-the-fencers, Are we warming up to the idea now that Israel, for all intents and purposes, holocausted the people of Gaza for two and a half years? Are you understanding now what they're capable of?

@MattWalshBlog She was a grieving widow, Matt! How could you?!

There is no good moral reason why she should not simply be taken outside the morning after her conviction and hanged. This woman has lost her right to exist.

@JOKAQARMY1 I'm following Candace for as long as she moves the ball forward. Like everyone else I follow, I'm dropping her like a bad habit the moment she betrays her fans. This guy says "reject it all," but what does that mean? Don't fight Zionism because it's all hopeless?? Just give up?

Bullingdon Club. 🤔

My misguided opinions about US foreign policy came about during the infancy of the GWOT, in which I participated. How, in the year 2026, is anyone buying into the government's bullshit?

Losing faith in the idea that I can just take just any entry level job to make ends meet. Recruiter: "But we see you have no prior experience in shoveling pig shit. Is there any way you can convince us that this is your new dream career???"

If Jesus had died like Elvis, would Christians wear tiny outhouses around their necks?

@MoMohler Wow, props to him!