Cait Chock

I’m fine dying alone. All I want is, on my deathbed, someone to sidle up real close and whisper into my ear, “you were funny.”

state of the word: fedex office supplies no longer trusts us enough to offer communal scissors in the copy center for fear we'll all stab each other

my hs crush started posting baby stuff so finally hit that unfollow

@scottmacs I can’t make my own life choices I surely can’t make yours

@caitchock Do I have to stay up for thre country/pop star?

Siri telling me to “proceed down Failing street” is too meta for my liking

@scottmacs HAHHAHAHA THIS MADE ME ACTUALLY LOL I AM FAILING STREET

@caitchock Failing / turning into is to nuanced for Siri

*art and comedy are synonymous

i do art cuz my brain fills up with thoughts like a clogged toilet and the creative release is my version of a plunger

when i die i want my funeral to be a roast, open casket, tattoo gun on hand, and have everyone sign my carcass like a yearbook

i love that my internet provider sent me an email thanking me for qualifying for their low income discount. basically, “thank you for being poor and here’s a little reminder that you are poor”

@DennisCurlett Show divorcee

Hey Twitter fam, trying to settle a debate with my second wife. If someone was a showrunner but isn’t one anymore are they a former showrunner or a showranner?

kim possible regularly saving the world using just her brain and a crop top is wildly more impressive than any marvel character

i’ll never remember ur name but i’ll always remember ur face, that ur left shoelace was untied, u blinked an abnormal amount which made me wonder if u were desperately looking to get away from me cuz i was annoying u, and u had a dog named Tyson

someone wanted to stop and pet my dog, so i stop, they bend down, but my dog just dodges them, hot steps past them, and in that moment he was my hero. i wish i had the guts to evade unwanted social interactions with such confidence

@SuddenlyRavi agreed. but i bet i can finish the arc and be forgotten in like 8 months

@caitchock That's the trajectory I want for myself

i have a tupac shirt and three people have come up asking who is in my shirt. i’m old enough now i lived thru tupac dying, conspiracists vowing he was alive, confirming he died, and now he’s not recognizable on a graphic tee

never understood cuffing season, sounds like looking for company cuz u’re lonely. i’m lonely but have plenty of company in the form of depression, anxiety, ocd, add…if anything i would like to uncuff for a season

@monicaprelle @sheridan_pdf Thank you!!

looking to commission a Portland(OR)-based freelance writer w/ experience re: running/culture. please dm with any tips 🙏🏼

@d9monti @charliepurdue @LondonMarathon @JaneMonti1 I’m so very sorry, Charlotte!! Feel better and sending hugs❤️

#LondonMarathon News: @charliepurdue has scratched from the race. "Purdue (GBR) has withdrawn from the elite women's race," @LondonMarathon said in a statement. "Purdue has been unwell since overnight on Friday and withdrew this morning (Sunday)." 📷@janemonti1 for RRW

public enemy

went on a journey to find myself and i wound up in aisle 7 in front of the pop-tarts