Slime Queen

Yeah I’m a fan of ABBA Ass Butt Butt Ass

this is killing me rn

“Winter is literally the best season” ok u fucking husky go sit outside then

do kids even get chased by dogs anymore? this generation don’t go thru shit

When the shit goes down everybody meet up at the library. The MAGAs don't know about that place

Psychiatrists and therapists won't diagnose me with ADHD but the internet has me pegged-- WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE

The only thing that's gotten better as I've gotten older is my ability to neglect the darker side of my personality. The dark dark side I don't tell anyone about except in a cryptic tweet every 5 years.

I was so prepared to have no will whatsoever, and somehow I've had a pretty decent week mood-wise. Of course, that must mean the other shoe is hovering in February

I'd rather be a fucking cockroach

@MikeMacRaeMike (my toothbrush is currently on hiatus)

@MikeMacRaeMike another one of your tweets that stuck with me is about girl scout thin mints and having to go back to brushing your teeth when girl scout cookie season is over

Dude, I swear my vision improves under the influence of delta 9. I'm Brad Pitt transformed by Tom Cruise's blood in Interview with the Vampire. Statues have EYES, man

@MikeMacRaeMike hell yeah!

(because then I'm too aware of my new abilities and need to keep them hidden)

...but only when I'm on my own, late at night, when no one else is awake. The presence of another human nullifies my delta 9 powers.

@ItsMaddieMoYo @greetinghimeros I am so sorry. I am so very sorry.

@greetinghimeros Damnit I own the matching dresser for the first lowboy that she destroyed. I have been looking for that exact dresser ~unscathed~ for months

This woman is insane

Always a good reminder. A coworker who had cancer was the first person I heard this from and I'm glad to know this now.

This look is called the ‘Trinity Coat’, named after Trinity from Matrix. It capsules the moment when she fell off the building during the fight shatter glasses in slow motion 🖤

@MarieZuri @WhitneyChanell A mi gallopinto no le pasa nada, punto

@WhitneyChanell This only applies to white peepo rice, not arroz???

Wait, did ya’ll know this about reheating rice? 😳

@kkaitthty @WhitneyChanell Same with Nicaraguan food. Any time my mom visits she leaves the food she cooked on the stove for a long time before storing.

@WhitneyChanell @moneyymaya I’m not sure if a lot of people or culture do this but my culture & my mom (Haitian) sits the food out with a cover for a few hours till its cold before she places the food in the refrigerator . Putting hot/warm after cooking in the refrigerator is a big no no. I can’t relate.