Her Tall Boots

no one tells you the older you get the more you look out your house windows

walmart can be your happy place if you want it bad enough

@futwolfhardware separate OF COURSE

Do you hide your blackberry brandy and emergency cigarettes in the same place under the sink or do you separate them?

@oelma__ you're a stupid bot

First thing that comes to your mind..

My uncle was buried with his banjo. OSHA said if he hadn't been playing it the mine shaft probably wouldn't have collapsed.

my dad can break into almost any car using a frozen chimichanga.

Sure, I look like I have my life together, but I don’t what bougie is or if I like it.

Someone knocking on my door while I’m at home doesn’t mean I have to answer it. I can screen my knocks.

@GossipGreg @Bob_Janke yep. somebody at some point brought a shotgun to a park and thought "we ain't eatin' dried chicken again, we eatin' the fkn chandelier for dinner tonight, baby girl"

@Bob_Janke Do you have any detailed stories about that?

Do you think anyone’s ever eaten a peacock?

@Bob_Janke @aropeleash not if you have good stations

@aropeleash Free radio is unlistenable

So I've mentioned really liking 1970s Rock and or Roll bands, Jethro Tull AND Uriah Heep in the past and I just found out today - like a minute ago - that they're considered "progressive rock" so I guess I have to delete all of that now

@Bob_Janke listen to the soundtrack without voices

Honestly, how do you even know if someone is a good drummer

It's now or never! Or you know, whenever. It depends.

Old timey kid voice: Why I oughta!

Need more proof that we're the greatest country in the world? 65k kids who weren't smart enough to get into M.I.T. simulated a seismic event while drunk off their asses.

Remember the kid who would, without being asked, write down names of the other kids who cut up when the teacher left the room? All of them are on Bluesky.

I'm so fascinated by these birds. They're real, but prehistoric and animatronic all at once.

one time my dad fought 12 cowboys & a bartender at a dude ranch because they thought his smart phone was a witch.

All I’m saying is, I’d take more walks down memory lane if I could remember where it was.

My GP says I have the bloodwork of “a frisky kitten” and I have so many crackerjack responses bursting out of me I start hiccuping.

*adjusts tube top* *shifts baby on hip* *balances wet black nail polish brush* DON'T FORGET THE FLAMING HOT CHEETOS THIS TIME AND WE NEED A NEW FLAG FOR THE PORCH

the thing with heft is always on the bottom. then you progress through lighter things. you top it off with underwears -laundry pile science