#1 cheek appreciator

@xilverxage So I caught a stray. My coworkers were all joking amongst themselves and all of the sudden one said “Adrianos momma was a shockoe bottom prostitue” so I responded “yeah well I saw your momma on ghetto gaggers”

@spitbath_ Was it at least a good one?

Made one yo momma joke and now my friend wants to fight me 😓

Yall playing in the box. I’m going in with a sense of purpose, determination.

Working next to the nabisco factory means every time I walk outside for break it smells like cookies

I’m so fucking good at my job it’s not even funny

@Knives_x Everything you make is incredible

food's a little funny at the clown cafe

The pikmin shirt stays ON during sex 😏

I’m never taking this off

@BobWulff Meanwhile I’m over here wanting to fuck slippy toad 😓

Saw the Mario movie. I get why everyone wants to fuck Star Fox.

@ButchGawd Unpopular opinion: don’t ever call my phone. Unless someone is dead or dying don’t make my phone ring. Ain’t nothing important enough that you can’t text it and let me get back to you when I have the mental energy

HIGHKEY one of my homies lol. Love him doe

Your toes are loved, your toes are thought about

@xilverxage Right so I posted that at 6:55 a.m. just a few minutes before I clocked in

@spitbath_ I'm 2 hours behind yall

All this astronaut talk reminds how badly I wanna fuck in space

@xilverxage That’s your local time my boy (also I have to be at work by 7)

@spitbath_ Also posting this while you still had crust in yo eyes is insane

@drunkxdriver Me

@drunkxdriver I might be

@drunkxdriver 👀

@drunkxdriver This is a fire tweet

@MarathonTheGame who is this perfect little gentleman??

@luckyolliee I’ve seen a baby once who looked like a Randy. He had a mullet

Look it’s not that they’re bad names it’s just like you really look at that baby and is like yeah that’s Randy. Like I expect a 74 year old who drinks beer like it’s water and he smokes cigars