pesto

loooool probably shouldn't tweet this but I'm drunk n felt cute so here goes

playing a game that is very clearly marketed towards small children and that makes my £1500+ gaming PC smell like burning. its fucking awesome 100 hours this week

rest in peace hulk hogan you really were not that great of a guy but i watched a documentary featuring you while i was practicing a speedrun once and now i heavily associate spyro 3 crystal island gem swim with you, so that's something

@Fady180Twitch it's really difficult to do alone when you're as cheeked up as me

@utter_pest Can you take a break from Twitter again

i wish i had a clone so she could shave my arsehole for me (i would do hers in return of course)

if she's your girl why's she making me an icy squash

bonus angle

fuck sake

if you're not happy single, you won't be happy in a relationship. true happiness comes from building dashboards that give executives deeper insight into critical business functions

@lilnarwhal0 me

Who else is even in contention for GOAT speedrunner outside of Suigi?

noting you do to reduce your impact on the climate will ever compensate for the existence of americans

@joeykastelic LMFAOOOOO

when i was 13 i met a boy on holiday who asked me how long you should know someone before asking them out, and I said 3 months. on the 3 month anniversary of us meeting he asked me out via email and i said no

Jeremy: ...I've watched Grand Designs with you. That smile when some eco-glass gets delayed on its way from Antwerp and the nice couple gets pushed over budget. That's the real you.

@lilnarwhal0 she's engaged and I've sadly moved past homewrecking:(

@utter_pest Lock in

im at a party with a friend of a friend and i truly believe a bitch this bad only comes around once a century

MY HUSBAND IS DEAD I don't want to remarry I just want SEX

tap in

@lil_deeblez hi gorgeous🥰🥺

@utter_pest HI BABYGAL

i'm still alive i'm just kinda healthy atm so i haven't got anything funni to sya. hope ur all well i bought a 2m hoe mirror

do u think people in 2008 were naked weighing themselves on their wii fit boards instead of getting a set of bathroom scales