Andrew Roffe

Brilliant 🤣 By @ASAP_ROFFE

@koshercockney Thanks for sharing!

This is your yearly reminder that if you get rid of all the Jews, who will do your taxes?

Passover falls on April Fools Day this year, so I’m even less convinced Elijah will show up.

First Time at @TheWienerCircle

When Your Therapist Works at @TheWienerCircle

The Jewish version of confessional is talking to your lawyer.

Do me a favor and check on your dad. He hasn’t been this confused since the new iOS update. #BadBunny

I’d love to see a bowl game featuring the two worst college football teams called the @DUDEwipes Toilet Bowl.

Who's gonna win? 🧀 feat. @ASAP_ROFFE

I would get so much satisfaction in knowing that a Jewish doctor diagnosed Hitler with a micropenis.

@JesseRogersESPN @bleacher_bros @Cubs Jesse, I think you’re a really good reporter but you are dead wrong. They absolutely could lose the top spot. It’s only four games. Guardians were down 15 games in the division and could be in first place after today.

@bleacher_bros @ASAP_ROFFE @Cubs And the funny thing is they would celebrate no matter what but in this case, there really is no harm to these losses. division out of reach. losing top spot in WC not happening. Who cares. But this is what twitter is for right? Bitch about something like this. lol

My level of Jewishness is I got so sick from overeating this weekend I thought I gave myself Crohn’s disease.

How is it that people who aren’t Jewish and don’t know any Jews somehow became experts in antisemitism?

I’ll tell you what would’ve been really shocking… If the Pope’s name was Herschel Rosenstein.

Vatican City is about to get a @LouMalnatis

Passover Glass of Wine Number One: Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, borei p’ri hagafen. Passover Glass of Wine Number Four: Barack attack I dunno. Elaine ew melancholy hell no. Pray for me my coffin.

I just told my mom that Timothée Chalamet was Jewish. I have not heard her that excited since one of her grandchildren was born.

Welcome to Jewish Thanksgiving. Where we stuff our turkeys and then tell them to lose weight.

Here we go again... @ASAP_ROFFE