Cal

no such thing as a free lunch

@MikesNuggetry Happy pie day

Chris and I drank a bottle of Smirnoff 100 without even blinking an eye what is wrong with us

@MikesNuggetry Damn terrorists

Greatest country in the world

When you people send me tiktoks or wordles I move one step closer to blowing my brains out

Shout out to the brick wall on the side of my house for taking the time to stop my car last night

Fact of the matter is 90% of the broads out here in phoenix have fake eyelashes

@MikesNuggetry Devito

I think if I could meet one celebrity it would be Jack Black

Just had a dream where I was rock climbing with Danny DeVito lol I think I might need to lay off the weed for a bit

@saucycereal @MikesNuggetry Mikey fears that which he does not understand

@MikesNuggetry what do you have against pregnant women lmao

If you post a bare pregnant belly that we all have to see unsolicited. I’m unfollowing you

Putin threatened nuclear war but I guess he didn't say how

Nothing gets me more limp than Star Wars

How have we not outlawed neighborhood ice cream trucks? Every one of those mf has to be a pedophile

@MikesNuggetry That's called withdraws

Honestly I’m more annoying when I’m not intoxicated

20 years later I still use a Ticonderoga

@MikesNuggetry Found out two nights ago they TWO of my roommates are flat earthers 🤦🏼‍♂️

Are flat earthers still around?

My flight home to phoenix was cancelled. Holy FUCK I'm going to kill myself if I'm stuck in Columbus any longer it's too damn cold

Shout out to urban meyer because without his family none of us would be able to spell bologna

I've learned in phoenix that I could not handle a Latino woman

Shaking hands with a grandpa be making you feel like a gigantic pussy

@MikesNuggetry Just a regular day

Not much RAM in the brain today