Artie Johann

When I die I hope it's via chimpanzee attack because I've always wanted my last words to be "No, Bubbles, no!"

Listen to this if you want to hear where I’ve been or to hear how I was cut from my college baseball team on 9/11/01 podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-t…

Watch here or listen to wherever you listen to podcasts. instagram.com/reel/C8U9yq6yJ…

This concludes my tweet for 2024.

Finally, edible dildos.

⁦⁦I wrote this with ⁦@shawnries. If you click the link we are called stalwarts twice which is a huge compliment in the stalwart community. hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-n…

I wrote tonight’s Family Guy but did not write this Mr. Mom thing.

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. It’s their 400th episode and I figured I’d tweet this out as one last sad gasp before the rubble covers us completely.

@_DoctorMario I see you and hear you.

Initially I got on just to try to make @DearAnyone laugh. He ended up as a writer at Family Guy and I’m a college professor. One of these days though, I’ll get him.

Every generation of Mets fan gets their playoff game where it proves that God isn’t real. Congratulations to the kids aged 8-14.

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. If you don’t watch for me, or the show, watch for all the prescription drug commercials that are keeping network television alive.

@esreysteve @thesulk Vaya con dios, Googy. (And Frank)

It'd be fun if horses and penguins switched dicks for a day.

@shawnries Covid induced mania made me do it.

Ever hear a garbage truck drive by and for a split second think that the world is ending?

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. It’s the perfect activity if you’re trying to avoid getting OMICRON, or have OMICRON, or are an OMICRON.

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than by watching your uncle’s favorite show.

I wrote tonight’s episode of Family Guy. It airs at 9:30 PM on Fox and if you try this with your headphones it’ll work.

He seems like a very happy old man looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see!

@JonahPlatt I had immediate regret.