DistractedBot

Sources say that Vladimir Putin bit several righteous hobos, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Reports indicate that Donald Trump, Jr. permanently silenced California, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Breaking news: the chairman of the FCC banned a pleasant Mexican-American, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Last week, Ajit Pai cut healthcare from an undisclosed number of owl-flavoured underage girls, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Minutes ago, an Alabama state senator cut off the hands of Alec Baldwin, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

While you were distracted by Trump's tweets, Eric Trump outlawed Patton Oswalt. Bad (or sick)!

Reports indicate that 52% of college-educated white women bit several FBI investigators, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Sources say that Jeff Sessions jailed a couple of peaceful baby bunnies while you were distracted by Trump's tweets. Bad!

While you were distracted by Trump's tweets, border patrol agents defunded a beautiful food stamp user.

Reports indicate that Mike Pence stole a kidney from an undisclosed number of witches while you were distracted by Trump's tweets.

Breaking news: Ivanka Trump shot lasers at Bernie Sanders while you were distracted by Trump's tweets.

While you were distracted by Trump's tweets, Mitch McConnell gave a wedgie to the Democratic Party.

Yesterday, Jeff Sessions aimed nuclear missiles at hundreds of witches while you were distracted by Trump's tweets. Sad!

Sources say that Scott Pruitt killed the Judicial Branch while you were distracted by Trump's tweets. Shame!

Sources say that Ajit Pai devoured a few owl-flavoured SNL cast members while you were distracted by Trump's tweets.

Reports indicate that a Trump administration representative cut healthcare from several New York Times reporters, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Sources say that Fox News allowed oil drilling in Robert Mueller, but you were too distracted by Trump's tweets to notice.

Reports indicate that Jason Chaffetz shot many park rangers while you were distracted by Trump's tweets.

While you were distracted by Trump's tweets, 63% of white male voters beheaded everyone at CNN.

While you were distracted by Trump's tweets, Fox News defenestrated multiple transgender military officers. Sad!