Dr Ed

Things that are not OK: 1) Following policy & someone complaining because they don’t agree with something in a protected characteristic discriminatory way 2) any “isms” or “-phobias” 3) people questioning wrong-doing & competency issues by you due to said discrimination

2/2 I didn’t get it, & yet, I was appointable & feedback was cathartic about how well I did. No happy ending just yet, but I can now trust that chapter has been closed. Still not quite the🖕🏻I want but to know others see me now, here, as I know I am is hugely significant.

It’s just over 3 yrs since my complaint first landed, & 2 yrs this week since the original hearing (that I appealed against & later submitted a grievance about handling). The previous employer had wanted to sack me! This wk I went for an interview for promotion! 1/2

Systems can be traumatising! Workplaces can be traumatising! We, as MH profs are not immune to being tramautised by the same systems & people that are meant to be there to help others 😞

2/2 I start new therapy nxt wk to try to process all that has gone on for me since then & that encompasses the last few yrs. maybe 1 of my reciprocal roles is feeling unheard/dismissed/ignored? Yet I only want to share if it will help others/influence the system.

It’s been over 6 mths now since all finalised & over 2 yrs of shit was done. At the time I was passionate about blogging. Then the anger left. I have tried since to share my story to influence others but that urge to write has re-appeared. 1/2

Today co-facilitated a workshop to 40+ in my dept on the topic that underpinned all the complaint issues in the 1st place - boundaries. The feedback was amazing & left seeing the “meaning” behind all the hurt was to bring to conscious awareness this issue for others to consider!

Yet, this quote hit me like a ton of bricks! This is me…when talking about felt experiences & emotions - rigid & holding my breath, braced ready for the negative outcome 😬

Sometimes all the relational trauma suffered envelopes me…other times i read a nice quote, chill a bit & feel relatively OK?

Anyone ever find they are on a rollercoaster of emotions? Sometimes brimming at the seams, & other times back in their box?

I think i’ve found my super power! Making myself vulnerable by sharing my experiences to the masses, or my most inner thoughts/feelings to trusted loved ones. Will it help me heal? Will it empower others to recognise their own stuff & turn towards it? Yet of course it knackers me

I’ve been quiet…I’ve been trying to heal yet actually have been flat out busy now I can focus my energies on my job. And, I got elected as a union rep. And, in Feb a colleague & I are speaking to our wider department about issues that will start the publishing ball rolling 💪🏻

Penned a PADR date w my boss earlier after supervision. 1st s’vision in 26 mths where I haven’t been worried about complaint. 1st PADR since my initial starter one where I can actually highlight & plan for my development. The sense of freedom is 🤩. Big goals! #andstillirise

What is healing? I just outted myself on a fb group about having been complained about. No pseudonym. Those who I’m closest to in the field know anyway. But, others who don’t will possibly now find out. Maybe I am ready to write & move on now.

I am committed to ✍️ about all my experiences, to help others, to hopefully influence policies & systems. My anger @ my treatment has gone. But, I am traumatised, yet work with trauma daily (triggering @ times), & am mostly hugely spent. #allouttajuice

Had a final mtg to conclude process after over 25 mths. I shook violently throughout. Yet kindness & compassion was afforded me. I voiced, eloquently, how I felt. I am spent. Yet, in work, only a few know, & it’s so easy to forget when someone becomes so gd @ coping publicly.

A wk on from knowing it’s done, I’m safe…yet feel “lost”, frantic in work, knackered, & then depleted of all energy…really hard to describe. I’d hoped my mojo would return instantly, but instead I’m shattered & attempts to book leave result in no gaps for wks.

Exhausted…still not properly processed news I’m free. Bad dreams about safety. Work overload. Emailed union rep to ask opinion. Maybe mtg with big bosses as to no hcpc referral will help? Or, as I still in threat response until then?

When in therapy, what do we need?

Still processing it’s all done! Agreed to use my experiences to help others, & meet with those who chose not to refer to hcpc. But, any advice on healing from complex trauma within work situations? I’ve been so busy all wk I’m now exhausted & unsure if I have processed yet?