jamband SAT prep

You get 420 points just for writing your name

@Bloatyheader Nice!

how it started/how it's going

If Phish plays 3 sets tonight to make up for last night’s canceled set, and they average 9 songs per set, and all songs played the last two nights are off the table, what percentage of songs will contain outright New Testament references? Show your work.

The year is 2042, 24 years after The Trump Wars. Surviving humans are huddled in caves, marauding the barren cities, or scavenging for scraps. Caustic acid clouds drop irradiated snow on the land and lay waste to biodiversity. Is this still Lawn Boy?

Trey recently passed the Jamband Torch to Goose, then revoked it and passed it instead to Billy Strings. Starting with his first solo w/Goose, if Trey continues to pass the torch to a different jamband luminary every 4.2 days, when does Holly Bowling become the next Jerry Garcia?

Considering farm-to-table principles, food trends and digestive science, the optimal pre-show meal from Mansfield's brimming foodie culture is: 1) Dunkin's avocado toast; 2) Mobil station on Rt. 140; 3) "Jimmy" Linguine's Authentic Jamaican Jerk Chicken; 4) a groundscored gooball

People have somehow forgotten about the worst idea you ever had: a Phish ticket pyramid scheme. How many two-year-old screenshots of people dunking on it do you need to post in order to get 50,000 Twitter impressions? Show your work.

TAB tour opens with an 8-piece band. After they’re exposed to COVID19 at Show 2, using an Rt value of 1.3, calculate how many Phish songs Ray “The Milkman” Paczkowski must sing at the two-set “solo acoustic show” to conclude the tour at Radio City. Show your work.

What #content do I want from @JamBandSATprep in the future? A) A more serious turn toward legitimate trivia questions B) More jokes about the next generation of up-and-coming jambands C) Giveaways of free shit (e.g., CBD-infused chicharrones) D) Relentless abuse of Mickey Hart

Which of the following is the most unnecessary jamband addition? A) Moe adding a xylophone B) Phish adding Fishman’s vocal samples C) String Cheese Incident adding late 90s Phish cow-funk jams D) The Grateful Dead adding Mickey Hart…twice

For fans shut out of Phish Mexico, which of the following can be purchased for the same cost? a) Two alternative Phish runs, anywhere. b) A dream European vacation. c) An ounce of high quality cocaine. d) All of the above combined. Literally.

Officer Daniel “Duke” Trujillo arrests 27 fans at Red Rocks, 8 at Mission Ballroom, and 65 at Dick’s. Which venue had the highest arrest rate? A. Red Rocks B. Mission Ballroom C. Dick’s D. Officer Trujillo isn’t arresting anyone because he’s literally too stupid to breathe

When Phish returns and the 4.0 era begins, which song will they open with? A) Rainbows Under the Starry Sea of Swirling Dreams B) Happiness & Hopefulness C) Everything’s Still Right D) Sample in a Jar

BREAKING NEWS: The Twiddle Connect Two match has ended in a stalemate.

Phish’s chess rematch will be the big draw on NYE, but which of these alternate band-audience competitions will be most popular? A) SCI - Nahtzee! B) WSP - Whiskey Pong C) Twiddle - Connect Two D) Disco Biscuits - Boofs and Ladders

Which of the following Phish things is the most cringeworthy? A) Calling the band “the boys” B) Saying “Tweez” instead of Tweezer C) Pronouncing YEMSG out loud as “yemessgee” D) Big Boat

Which holiday did Phish ruin the most? A) 12/31/11 B) 10/31/13 C) 12/24/20 D) Trick Question: Mike and Fish had nothing to do with ruining 12/24/20

You just purchased a lot burrito post-show and devoured half of it in seconds. To preserve the rest, you use: A) a soiled CVS bag from the floor of your car B) toilet paper C) Surrender to the Flow D) a mint-condition @Phanart Beautiful Buzz Wax Wrap.

Mickey Hart’s most valuable contribution to the jamband scene was: A) Co-writing Fire on the Mountain B) Throwing drumsticks at Matt Kelly for not letting Billy kick him harder in the nuts C) Clog drumming D) Leaving the Grateful Dead for the 3 years they made their best music

After Dylan’s 9-figure windfall, Phish decides to sell the rights to Big Boat. What does Universal offer? A) “Dante’s Peak” on VHS B) rights to God Street Wine’s “$1.99 Romances” in trade C) 1,000,000 doses of hydroxychloroquine D) I was told there would be no negative numbers

If you want to build a pyramid with a 400 sq foot base and a height of 12 feet, how many cubic feet of limestone blocks will you need? A) 420 B) Enough to fill a two car garage C) Just outsource the project to @PeakBuildersNet. They’re the experts in pyramid schemes.