Jules 16th 🇺🇦

@NoContextBrits I’ve got a garden shed that is almost 250 years older than America.

@SgtMajFrenchie I can remember when a Health Department Inspection team came to inspect Old College plumbing and decided to park their cars in front, having disregarded clear parking instructions. It was a matter of just seconds before Mr Huggins arrived on the scene …

One of my all-time favourite conversations was between a Corporal and a civil servant before a parade. ‘Could I get through, please. I need to park.’ ‘I’m afraid not, Sir.’ ‘But it’s the car park.’ ‘It isn’t a car park, Sir. It just looks like one.’ #parade

@robert_lyman 3. The Church 4. At the age of 26, Politics

There used to be two great answers to the question of underachieving boys, white or otherwise. 1. The Royal Navy 2. The British Army

@GCHQ No idea whatsoever Balance Posturing (Alan Turing) Labrador Spittle (Brad Pitt) Cadaver Challenge (Dave Allen)

Puzzle people, assemble! It's #GCHQPuzzle time. 🧩 No cheating- answer first and then check the comments ⬇️

@Kristinartz Leigh-Hunt (essayist) Maine (historian) Barnes (essayist and editor) Lamb (essayist and author) Coleridge (poet) Middleton (bishop) Thornton (diplomat) Peele (playwright with Shakespeare) Each divided in half A and B

Did you have "houses" at school? What were they called?

@BiancoDavinci Reptilian with bugeyes? Sounds like Farage

if dinosaurs had never gone extinct over 65 million years ago, they might have evolved into 'Dinosauroids,' suggested by Canadian paleontologist Dale Russell.

@lauramatsue It’s just a tool. As a tool we can detect its use and whether someone has actually learned their course or is just cheating. We use apps to detect use of AI in exams with a fail rate around 30% AI usage. Those who breach that limit are given the opportunity to try again. All do

No one is more annoyed by the AI revolution than people who can actually write a sentence. Basically, having any ability to write now is suspect - you will get accused of being AI at some point. It feels like you are being accused of being a witch, of holding a type of rare magic that only the machines are now allowed to have.

@CliveWardauthor More worried about the bloke to the right with a tail.

When you've got beers with the lads at 5 but fighting Iran at 6

@GCHQ Oh got it. Scrabble scores. Has to begin with M in which case it can only be Mornington Crescent at 25 points

🚇 Mind the gap… between clues! This week’s #GCHQPuzzle is now arriving on the platform. Take a moment, follow the lines and see if you can reach the right destination. Where does your answer take you? 👇

First look at images and footage from the Vera C Rubin observatory. Observing almost 20 supernova explosions a day - 20 entire solar systems being destroyed every single day! rubinobservatory.org/gallery/collec…

@Posted_to_BAOR I can still remember contractors discussing (in German) how it was so difficult to work with all the men and vehicles everywhere. His mate replied that “don’t worry, they are all on exercise from tonight”. Sure as hell AE alarm at 2am.

Why was it when the Regiment was on 12/24/36 hours notice to move, we got 5 fucking minutes heads up………..

@clark_aviation Special display by RAF horror box dispensing team. Also known as the “Blue Ribands”.

Found on Facebook...The RAF King's Invisible Wheelbarrow Squadron on Parade! Seriously the worst 'tick-tocking' display I've ever seen 😂😂

@CliveWardauthor A great oppo named Bacon. Known as Smokey but after getting badly burned in Falklands was thereafter known as Crispy.

During the years that I served in the Army I came across some corkers, nicknames that were given to people for all sorts of different reasons, for instance, ‘Beast Master’ now you’d probably think that anyone christened with that nickname would be quite happy, thinking that the lads thought he was a bit of an animal and not to be messed with! No!!! Far from it, if you had ever met his missus, you'd know how he got his name, and he never twigged until years later, one night down the NAAFI ... And he lost his sh*t, but that’s another story. Here are a few of the funniest I have heard. TESCO Because every time he got sh*t-faced he would lose his trolleys. CRASH Because his initials were RTA. JIGSAW He was an officer, he was known to fall to pieces under pressure. BAPCO Could not understand a word he was saying. THROMBO (Thrombosis) because he was a slow-moving clot. SWAMPY Not named after that infamous protester, but for p*ssing the bed. MORPHINE The slow acting dope. SCRABBLE Because he seemed to have every letter of the Alphabet in his surname, but no vowels. GOOF He could eat a watermelon through a letterbox. BLISTER Because he only appeared when the hard work was done. THRUSH Because he was an irritating little c**t. TRACER On the BFT he used to burn out after 1100m... CHEWBACCA SPICE She needed an all over waxing. CS Fast acting irritant. BULLIES AND BULLSHIT. clivewardauthor.com UK kindle also available in paperback. amazon.co.uk/dp/B08QBQFPKL/…

@BiancoDavinci Sadly infamous for the number of suicides of people jumping off from the Coq D’Argent

Mappin & Webb building, London. Built-in 1871 and demolished in 1993.

@SgtMajFrenchie The correct response would be “yes dear, you are quite right. I shall get a couple of officer cadets to come and install it asap” Silence More silence “How about a freestanding one instead?”

A punchy skirmish with Mrs French about our Somerset fortress. ‘Let’s have an integral fridge.’ ‘No.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because they’re a nightmare to fit. I’d rather go back to war.’ ‘We’re having one.’ ‘No we’re not.’ So today I’m fitting an integral fridge. #marriage #DIY #newhome

@Escape7heMatrix @katieflintt Surbiton station is great. They even filmed a Harry Potter movie there. Don’t forget that going to the station means that you are escaping Surbiton!

@katieflintt You clearly have never been to Surbiton

In the most depressing train station. Any guesses

@GCHQ Using top level of keyboard only you get typewriter

⌨️ Click… clack… ding! This week’s #GCHQPuzzle is hot off the (imaginary) typewriter. Drop your solution below👇

@BiancoDavinci I forget which barracks at Sennelager it was (Normandy?) that had been an SS officer’s mess in the Nazi era and had vomit bowls plus a cooled glass panel to rest your head on while having a pee plus a large glass sloped panel to help you avoid splashes on your mess kit.

There is a wall-mounted 'toilet' specifically designed for vomiting in a bar located in Koblenz, Germany.

@VeteranIrish If your name was Arthur Cnut you’d spell it like that as well. 😂

English History does put a smile on one’s face! What a load of CNUTs😉 Edward The Confessor was the son of Æthelred the Unready and Emma of Normandy. He succeeded Cnut the Great's son – and his own half-brother – Harthacnut. He restored the rule of the House of Wessex after the period of Danish rule since Cnut conquered England in 1016.

@GCHQ @BBCBreakfast British TV stations. All contain BBC except Britvic which contains ITV.

This week's #GCHQPuzzle is a little different, our Chief Puzzler Colin is back and he shared his latest puzzle with @BBCBreakfast as part of their fiendish Brain Tests. How did you get on? 🧩