1 Observation a Day

The dust will never settle.

We don't have to worry about the loneliness epidemic and general lack of human connection anymore because we now have multiple options to watch other people do it.

Everyone wants to GET attention, but no one's willing to PAY attention. Which basically means we're all thieves.

Somewhere in the multiverse, there's a planet where everything is the same as Earth, except Roget and Fodor switched places, so they have books like "Fodor's Nouns" and "Roget's 3,000 Synonyms for 'Travel.'"

If someone wants to acknowledge your compliment without actually believing it, they say, "Thanks for saying that."

Today, there are two reliable political headlines: "Trump Is Losing His Base" and "Latest Trump Action Has Support of 90+% of Republicans"

93.7% of “say hi for me” requests go unfulfilled.

I've never heard someone describe themselves as a "New Testament literalist."

At a time when phones make no question unanswerable, people still love to go to bars and do trivia.

If you're up for it, I can prove to you that "up" and "down" mean the same thing. But only if you're down for it.

With its blend of pagan and Jewish traditions, Christianity is really the tribute band of religions.

The question is "when do you know that a sports media outlet has jumped the shark?" The answer is "when they publish power rankings for NHL goalie masks."

War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Well, except for opposing monarchy, starting the United States and defeating Hitler. But other than that, nothing!

Annette Bening and Elizabeth Warren are approaching The Singularity.

72.6% of all commercials now feature at least one dog.

I still refuse to type x.com when come here.

With its own superiority/inferiority complex relative to Minneapolis, St. Paul is the Minnesota of Minnesota.

87% of all social media clickbait videos basically say, "That thing you always do? You're doing it wrong."

It just occurred to me that I've never heard these four words in this order: "Donald Trump's best friend ... "

The person who's most likely lying to you is the one who tells you that everyone else is lying to you.

Arrogant people are always surprised that what brings arrogant people down is their arrogance.