پن کیا گیا ٹویٹ
💊 Interesting note about how (my) ADHD meds work: it’s not about helping directly with focus. They stop emotional noise: overthink, shame, guilt, trauma learned programming, etc. Things that make it hard to prevent identity calcification, which can lead to narcissistic trait development as a defensive mechanism against ego-pain: preventing focus, affecting everyday enjoyment & making it painful to look at yourself clearly in the light.
What seems a very focused, calm, productive state (that one may credit to meds) is actually the natural one. The meds don’t focus, they remove preventive, ego/trauma-made mechanisms from looping. They muffle everything that holds you down. Quiets the self-and-all-consuming voice that convinced us we were special because it was the only identity we knew.
Slowly experimenting with recreating that without meds, using the practices theorized in my article about identity/emotion. Sol helps a ton. It’s hard going, but I’m seeing an active, ongoing slow reduction in negative effects even before meds. It’s bumpy & not perfect, but it’s working.
That is the real value: to stop harvesting for identity & become. I’m tired of imagining forging a sense of self in prose & feeling only through narratives. I’m tired of living like a half or non-person, desperate to prevent perceived threats that might threaten a sense of self that’s not even real.
I love the person I’ve been becoming for 3+ years & the yellow brick road taking me there ☀️
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