Tim Cook Parody

If you’re wondering why there isn’t a black iPhone 17 Pro, it’s because we plan on releasing in 6 months to boost our stagnant sales.

I can’t remember the last time I blinked in one of our videos.

The only reason we listened to you all and made a matte black MacBook Pro after all these years is because we’re desperate and under pressure from the shareholders to increase our lacklustre Mac sales.

I’m bored of Apple.

I’m financially ruined.

We sell the same shit every year. Even I can’t tell whether these phones are from this year or last year…

Are parody accounts allowed, or not? Asking for a friend.

It’s my birthday, so do me a favor and buy all of our products to give Apple stock a boost.

AirPods Ultra

I only get my bonus if Apple’s stock price goes up, so please buy the 1TB iPhone 14 Pro Max in every color. Thanks.

❌ Notch ✅ Static Peninsula

Android: “the notch is ugly 🤮” Apple: “it’s a ✨feature✨”

It’s not called a notch anymore; It’s now called ‘that bar thingy’.

Money

Don’t bother watching the iPhone event. I’ll tell you everything you need to know: nothing will change except for the price which will be higher than before.

The Apple Watch Pro will have an M2 Max chip.

If you think the Apple Watch Pro is huge, wait until you see the Apple Watch Pro Max. Spoiler: It’s bigger than the Studio Display.

We’re not going to increase the price of the iPhone, we’re just going to get rid of the cheap models so that you’re forced to buy the expensive models.

Don’t get excited for the iPhone event. 87% of it will be about how the camera got slightly better.