Uncle Bert

I take more napkins than is socially acceptable

Is there a way to be both myself and Nick Lachey?

Few things are more certain than chipotles mobile order pickup being 8 minutes late

Love, gold, mortal kombat 11, lying, bullets, hair

One of society’s greatest travesties is praising a boy band that thinks my great great great granddaughter will be alive and well in the year 3000.

Hey Edmund? Fuck Turkish Delight.

Every time a senior citizen completes a sudoku puzzle, and angel gets its canoeing merit badge

“The next time you’re in the car and you make eye contact with the car next to you, mouth ‘I love you.’” -Michael B. Jordan

If art is anything, what is science? If tyranny is purple, why choose fashion? If rain causes arthritis, why cry?

Best things to say when someone is being rude:

Important!! Been getting a lot of questions about the best owls lately. Hope this clears things up!

Feeling nostalgic about 2007’s hit song “this is why I’m hot” by Mims

Favorite band? Dixie chicks.

It’s 2022: beavers control the weather. Only Little Caesars remains of the major pizza chains. No more bagels.

At this point I’m skeptical if there even are 101 Dalmatians.

There are more ants than people.