Nick Waggoner

Don't tell my ass to "stick to comedy" if you're a plumber still tweetin' about Benghazi twelve times a day. Why don't you stick to shit, my dude!?

Johnny Cash’s to do list/ resolution inspiration

@mattjwOKC Lay on the speaker and let the sweet Traber waves massage you back to health….put him on hold!

POV you’ve thrown out your back and are laying on your heating pan listening to sports talk radio.

@HannahMitcham That’s exactly 3.75 miles more than I can run 👏

@ethanberney WIZARD

Yo you ever notice that the legs of dogs have both knees and elbows

@CriterionOKC @nannerz82

Win 2 tickets to the Kurt Vile & the Violators with Dinosaur Jr. show this Friday, November 8 AND a signed commemorative tour poster! The winner will be selected on Thursday at 5 PM. 🙌🎟🎤 How to enter and win: 1. Tag a friend 2. Like this post

I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.

@LatvianMissile Easy, Joan Rivers! You’re wearing white sunglasses in your profile pic....

Old pics when you’re drinking alone: “Look at me, Look at me, LOOK AT ME!”

I wanna make something good, I wanna make something better. Something that cannot leave the ground unless we lift it up together.

Sandy, the aurora is rising behind us This pier lights our carnival life forever

Artists that need to release new music in 2018 (in no particular order) -- 1. Northcote 2. Shit Present 3. Don't Make Ghosts 4. Dead To Me @northcotemusic @ShitPresent @dontmakeghosts @deadtomesf

How long has the wizard emoji been a thing and I ain’t seen that shit!?🧙‍♂️

I’ve been dusted in the dark up in Penetration Park and I’ve been plastered. I’ve been shaking hard and searching in a dirty storefront church and I’ve been plowed.

@oh_hay_hay Good one🙄

Punched myself in the balls while unboxing my new yoga mat. #fitness

Is it 11:24 o’clock?

“It’s such a lucky accident, having been born, that we’re almost obliged to pay attention,” Mark Strand

I wonder if Kerryon Johnson checks his bags at the airport...🤔

@stancappuccino Speakeasy