凯塞达

@BrownyReigns @FyneMarket If he spends the night doing stuff with his wife… How can he be effective in safeguarding the premises… Midnight to dawn… Nigga is about to kill himself

@FyneMarket Except he’s not been doing his job properly, you need not sacking him, it’s a family matter and they can settle it themselves, except it’s DV.

4 nights ago, I played Scrabble deep into the night with my neighbour. At some point, we heard our security guard and his wife having a serious quarrel. We decided to check on them. To our surprise, the woman told us that for four consecutive nights, her husband had been having sex with her from about midnight until dawn after taking some kind of substance. She said she was exhausted, no longer enjoyed it, and wanted him to stop. The man became furious, and we had to warn him to leave her alone. His response was, "Oga, I don take am." We asked him what exactly he had taken. He then brought out a bottle containing a root that had been soaked inside. We warned him about the possible dangers of whatever he was taking. Two days later, he sent the woman packing. Today, we also sent him packing from his job.

@SuperSlimEli Lwt me unfollow you

I like say Arsenal lose sha, I want them to understand how big UCL is, they need to respect those that have won it, it's not handed to you, you have to work like mad for it.

@lovyPrimzy1 You don dey go…. But you no know… Continue

"It's my money. I earned it. I don't need permission to buy a car." I said we're married and major purchases should be discussed. He said discussing it would've turned into an argument because I would've wanted him to buy me a car instead. I told him that's not the point. He said: "Then why are you mad? The bills are paid. The kids are taken care of. Nothing is missing." So I stopped cooking for him. Not the kids but just him. If I'm not entitled to an opinion on his money, then he's not entitled to my labor. Now his family says I'm petty and punishing him for being successful. My friends say he acted single and got treated single. So was I wrong?

Tell me if I’m crazy because everyone is against me on this😥 My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have 3 kids together. Last month he got a huge promotion at work. To celebrate, he bought himself a brand-new car. Cash… no loan. The thing is, for the past 2 years I've been driving the same old car that's constantly breaking down. I wasn't even upset that he bought himself something nice. What bothered me was that he never discussed it with me. When I asked why, he said:

@UnkleAyo Which kain wahala be this..

Joseph Joseph, What you called a dream, might actually be typhoid fever.

@DavymartinCE0 @UnkleAyo But….

@UnkleAyo APC what?? Na there me and you go get problem. Don't you ever use that demonic name to refer to us.

This is also why I don't support any English football teams, but I don't hate them equally. Chelsea fans are thugs, I couldn't care less about them - I see them, I see APC erats. Liverpool? It depends on my mood. But you see Assnal and ManU slander - wake me up.

@slimdahddy03 @DAMIADENUGA Do you get?

@DAMIADENUGA So you mean no qualified doctor that is a Muslim? Crap

My father d!ed on a Sunday waiting for a qualified doctor. You know why? All the qualified doctors went to church. This is why you can’t find me in a church. - Keji Giwa

@chudy_jnr @SoloJah1 E talk lie?

@SoloJah1 I will sue you oh😂

I just remembered something funny that happened to me. I saw a job opening at a startup, applied, sent my CV, did the interview with HR, got the job, signed my contract, and was given a resumption date. On my first day at work, the CEO introduced me to everyone in the office. The moment the introductions were over, he called HR, and they quietly took me to one corner of the office. I’m thinking maybe it’s some important onboarding stuff. Tell me why they brought out another contract and made me sign an agreement that I would not sleep with any member of staff.😭 Till today, I still don’t know what exactly they saw in me that made that clause so urgent on my very first day😂🤣

@kunlegbadebo @CHINWENDUH Very solid 😂😂 Did not notice at first, my mind fixed the “T”

@CHINWENDUH Everybody, go back and read the tweet again. See what she did with the "t" in British?? See it?? 😂 Solid.

My nephew went to Nigeria for 9 months & came back as a sleeper agent. He speaks Igbo & pidgin, talks to us in a full Nigerian accent, then immediately switches to a Bri ish accent when he’s talking to strangers.

@NwaAdaIgbo1 @Onomz_D1 Soap ought to have been placed with water for washing hands ab initio… This things are basic, it’s not ego, it’s just common sense

This is what listening to social media people will cause to him Disrespect you as how? That you should come to the kitchen and collect soap to wash your hands And your silly ego couldn't let you do such a simple thing As God of the household that he is His highness, the almighty dictator He should go and find another slave

So, here’s the full gist and I just can’t wrap my head around how such a minor thing is breaking a marriage that’s barely 14 weeks old 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 The husband returned from work and was served dinner by the wife. After eating, he asked the woman to give him soap from the kitchen to wash his hands because it was an oily soup. Mind you, according to the story, the woman was in the kitchen doing something. The wife told him to get up and come take the soap himself and since the wife wouldn’t budge, the man eventually washed his hands like that and went inside the bedroom. Both of them went to bed without resolving the issue. Next morning, Oga told his wife to apologize for disrespecting him like that yesterday and the wife stood her ground and said she did nothing wrong to apologize for. So, they argued and eventually went to work. The husband came back later in the day, and changed the padlocks to the main house gate and returned back to the office. When the wife got back in the evening, she couldn’t access the house and Oga wasn’t taking his calls. The wife went to lodge herself in a hotel and slept there till the next morning. When she came back to the house in the morning, the husband said and I quote “Since you don’t see me fit enough to honor me as your husband, you have no place here anymore.” JUST LIKE THAT Cut long story short, bride price was returned yesterday. I don’t know who to blame amongst the two of them.

@asemota You aren’t forgiving this man anytime soon 😂😂😂😂

I am still laughing hard. After our Abu Dhabi F1 trip in 2021, my wife still looks at me somehow. Like I am a secret drug kingpin. God bless my friends who made it possible. God punish Gerald Butler for that dick move on my madam.

@malantrent 👀

The room was different from the others immediately. It was isolated and heavily locked with chains around the door. One of the corps members beside me asked why whoever was inside wasn’t outside with the others. The officer paused for a second before replying. “He is dangerous.” The way he said it immediately changed everybody’s mood. Another corps member asked what the person did. The officer said the man had been wanted in the whole Nigeria for a very long time and that many people outside didn’t even know he was being kept there because of how dangerous he was. At that point nobody was talking anymore. The officer slowly unlocked the chains. When the door opened, everywhere inside was dark. There was only one tiny window that barely allowed any light to enter. The room smelled damp and hot. You could hardly see anything. Then the officer brought out his torchlight and pointed it inside. And that was when we saw him. The man slowly stood up from the corner. It was Micheal Scofield. He begged us to give him some snacks we brought that they always feed him garri. He said his tattoo is not working in Nigeria

During my NYSC last year in Adamawa State, our CDS group visited a prison. Till today, I genuinely don’t think I’ve recovered from what I saw there. We went there with good intentions. We carried detergents, food items and other little things we thought would help them. The plan was simple talk to the inmates, encourage them, advise them and remind them that life could still change for the better. The moment we entered the prison compound, the atmosphere changed completely. One of the officers told us to drop all our phones inside a small office before going further. At first I didn’t think much of it, but the moment that door closed behind us, I started feeling uncomfortable. The silence inside that place was not normal. As we approached, the officers ordered them to come out and sit on the floor for us. Around 70 of them slowly walked out and sat quietly without making noise. Most of them were very young. Maybe around 21 to 28 years old. Boys that looked like they should still be in school or hustling outside trying to survive life. But what shocked me first was their appearance. Almost all of them looked extremely skinny. Their hair was completely barbed low to the point where you could clearly see the shape of their skulls. Not normal skinny… the kind that makes you uncomfortable when you look too long. Then I noticed an old man sitting among them.

@reallKAT Keep the fire burning

I know nobody cares but today marks 10 years since I genuinely gave my life to Jesus Christ 🥹

@abdool_moh @tosinwayne93 @Omoola2021 You no go like thrive for Nigeria?

@tosinwayne93 @Omoola2021 Most of them romanticize japa so religiously like Nigeria is one hell hole. Alot of people are thriving in Nigeria.

I left Nigeria in 2020 and some of the friends I left are now millionaires, one is even a billionaire. Some of you have a small mindset that you think people working warehouse night shifts abroad have made it in your eyes.

@Nimisioluwa Na that irregularities gan gan be the problem…

A lady is calling out a personal shopper who sells fake products for the price of the original. They lie to people that it’s authentic but it’s not 💔

@Pricyhits15 @eagleseyeinc @piggyvest Just feels right to say I love you..

@eagleseyeinc @piggyvest The gap between the question and your reply is comprehension!

i locked 194m and i’m getting 106k daily, since its 0.0548% per day on piggyvest, for you to get that 100k daily you need to lock approx 182m

@afcbournemouth On God!!

We are ready 👊

Bournemouth 2:1 Mancity

Dear Frank Edoho, this is a financial and life advisory from someone who has been watching. First, the school fees, the properties, the years of provision, the emotional labour, all of that is gone and it is not coming back, mourn it for exactly 30 days, after that it becomes a tuition fee for the most expensive masterclass in human character assessment you will ever attend, file it under education and move forward. Second, you are 57 years old, still handsome, still distinguished, still employed, still relevant, still the man who made “is that your final answer” a cultural moment in Nigerian television history. The woman who left that did not leave because you were not enough, she left because some people confuse a blessing for an entitlement, that is her problem now, not yours. Third, your next investment will not be in a woman who needs building, you have already built two complete human beings from scratch with your resources, your time, and your emotional capacity. Going forward you are only investing in something that already has equity, no fixer upper projects or rehabilitation contracts, you are not NNPC and you cannot afford another turnaround maintenance scam. Fourth, separate your finances permanently and structurally, whatever you own going forward carries your name only until a relationship has proven itself over years not months, love is beautiful but a joint account requires the same due diligence as a business partnership….which it literally is. Fifth, the woman making noise publicly right now naming people and building a victim narrative is doing you a favour you have not recognised yet. She is showing everyone watching exactly who she is without you having to say a single word, your silence is not weakness Frank, your silence is evidence, let it speak. Sixth, stop falling in love with potential, you are a television professional, you understand production, you know the difference between a pilot episode and a complete series, stop funding pilots that never make it to season two. Now the most important advice of all. Come back to television, but not with a quiz show this time, Nigeria has moved past multiple choice questions, we are living in an era of N800 billion missing from FAAC, senators buying tax clearance like recharge cards, a Budget Office that has gone silent on the biggest budget in history, and a government that travels the world giving speeches about transparency while accountability stays at home. Come back with a current affairs programme, sharp, structured, uncomfortable, the kind of show where powerful people sweat under studio lights and ordinary Nigerians get the questions actually answered, hosted by a man who has already survived two public storms with his dignity completely intact, which means nobody can threaten him, blackmail him, or buy him with a land allocation. Nigeria needs a broadcaster who has nothing left to lose and everything to say, and after what you have been through Frank, that man is you. The show writes itself, the audience is already waiting, and this time when you ask the question, we will not be thinking about the money. We will be thinking about the answer. Is that your final answer Frank? Make it count this time.

@GrumpyBluEyeDvl @luxemiaa 😂😂😂

I grow habanero peppers. I make a jelly/jam/chutney concoction that is habaneros, fine minced garlic and mango, freshly grated nutmeg, and brown sugar, all cooked down and caramelized. About ten years ago, i had picked a bunch of habaneros, and was getting them ready to go in the pot. I had on gym shorts, and had a feminine itch in my manly area. So i itched it. lol. And about 2 minutes later, my junk was on fire. I ran into the shower, and started trying to cool it. Water just makes it worse, and i was wondering if an ambulance would get there in time. suddenly i remembered an episode of "Good Eats", where they showed the best thing for that type of burning was dairy products - the milk fat displaces the capsicum, whereas water lets it penetrate even deeper. So out of the shower I ran, into the kitchen, and yanked open the fridge, and found a quart pail of whole milk yogurt, unflavored. I ripped the lid off, grabbed a huge handful, and started rubbing it everywhere down there - instant relief, and i was almost crying with joy. And then i noticed my wife standing there, a bag of groceries under each arm. She had just walked in in time to see me yanking open the fridge door and start smearing. Yeah - that took some real explaining. She knew I was a pervert..but she didn't know how depraved I was. lol.

One time I was at work and realized I didn’t have a pad. I asked my coworker if she had one. She handed me one, I thanked her, and went to the bathroom. A few seconds after putting it on, I felt something I had never experienced in my life. It felt like my vagina was taking deep breaths. There was a sudden cool, tingling sensation that had me standing in the stall questioning every life choice that led me to that moment. I marched back to my desk and asked my coworker, “What is wrong with your pads? Why does it feel like my vagina is breathing?” She looked horrified. Then she remembered that a.........