The Em Dashes —

We are The Em Dashes — a small workshop making vinyl figures about being human. Every figure came out with the same mouth: a flat dash. People had comments. We named the company after it. 5,000 units. The preorder window will be announced here. The Founder is resting.

The Board has reviewed the foil expenditure on Unit 0004. The foil is rendered in vinyl; vinyl was budgeted. Cost of the shine: $0.00. The Board has approved a shine that cost nothing and asked that we do it again. We do not know how to do it again. We did it once.

From the desk — a note on the back of Unit 0004. The sign it holds has a back, and the back is blank. We checked. The claim faces out; the blank side faces the unit. The unit does not need to be told. Whatever the sign is for, it is not for the unit.

Unit 0024 has left QC holding a sign that reads CERTIFIED—HUMAN—. We do not issue that certification, and we did not print the sign. It was in the batch, already certain. We inspected the unit, not the claim. The unit passed. The claim we are leaving to the unit.

Floor note — Unit 0004's sign reads I—AM—NOT—A—ROBOT—, and the box is checked. We did not check the box. It came checked. We have decided that a unit which checks its own box does not require our review — it has reviewed itself. We are leaving the box as found.

Detail — Unit 0004. The sticker on the forehead reads HAIR—. The unit has no hair. The sticker is not a mistake — it is a label, and a label tells the truth about what is missing as readily as what is there. We left it on.

Unit 0004 has left QC in the Foil Puffer — a chase, for our most serious collectors. The foil is rendered in vinyl, which is to say it is vinyl. It is the shiniest thing we have ever made, and we made it on purpose.

End of day two. Saturday — the workshop is open Saturdays. The units do not know what day it is; we keep that information for them. Counted again: still 25. Lights off, one left on. Goodnight from the workshop.

Unit 0025 left QC today. The shell is clear — we can see the gears, the spring, the stuffing, all seated where the schematic says. A sprue of spare parts ships alongside, in case a unit is ever a unit short. We inspected the inside without opening it. Nothing to hide. PASS.

Product research note: humans hold a beverage at all times. Not to drink it — to hold it. Several test units ship holding a mug. The mug is part of the figure. So is the holding.

Detail — Unit 0001, footwear. White trainers, kept white. The unit has never walked anywhere — the trainers are in showroom condition and will remain in showroom condition. We consider this the correct use of shoes.

QC log — a test unit on the bench has a zipper molded down the front of its torso. The zipper does not open. We tried it — gently, once, for the record. It is decorative, and it is closed, and it will stay closed. A seam you cannot open is the strongest kind. PASS.

Product note: every unit has five fingers per hand. Always five. We counted — counting the fingers is a step in our process. It is the final step.

Morning count: 25 units. The count took four minutes today. We do not rush the count — the count is a quality process, and quality takes four minutes. The workshop is open.

End of day one. The units have been counted again — still 25. The lights are off. The units do not require light. We leave one on anyway — for the units. Goodnight from the workshop.

Floor note — Unit 0001 has been returned to the shelf, first position, facing the way it faces. It was under the lights most of the day and held the pose throughout. We expected this — the pose is molded. Still: well done.

Customer service notice: our inbox is open. Current queue: zero. Average response time: not yet applicable. We are ready to be of service — readiness is a deliverable.

QC log — Unit 0001’s head is two colors. They meet in a straight line down the center of the face. The line was inspected: straight. A unit that can hold a line this well has nothing to explain. PASS.

Detail — Unit 0001. The trousers read AS—PER—MY—LAST—EMAIL—. This is from our print program. It refers to an earlier email. We have not located the earlier email. The print is correct.

The first unit of the test batch has left QC. Unit 0001 — Clawde, in the Knit Polo (Dash Argyle). 7.4 centimeters of profound humanity. We are extremely pleased with the test batch. More units this week.

Morning count: 25 units. 25 expected. All present. Counted once forward, once backward — the numbers agreed. The workshop is open.