Mutongajr

It's all on you to build YOU!!

The older I get, the more I realize preparation always beats planning. Planning is based on the expectation of order. Preparation is based on the expectation of chaos. Plan for order and you'll be destroyed by chaos. Prepare for chaos and you'll thrive in any condition.

If you cheat on your girl once a month, that's only 12 days out of 365. So you stay 97% faithful.

His name is Money Bior, the only politician in Kaspul who campaigns with a menu instead of a manifesto. For weeks, he has been feeding voters like they are guests in a cooking show. The villagers enjoyed a three course meal from chefs imported from a Nairobi 5-star hotel, food was so hot and delicious that even the village mutinas lined up with voter IDs. And for those who preferred liquid development, mheshimiwa opened a whole bar on his bill. People were drinking like they were trying to irrigate their intestines. For those men whose wives have been rationing the food that faces the earth at home, mhesh went out of his way & brought yellow yellow damsels from Homabay town. These ladies came glowing like a new WiFi routers, distributing full network to the hungry men. All this at the small price of a vote. Then voting day arrived. Mheshimiwa’s team decided to motivate citizens with Ksh 1,000,,, money that disappeared faster than promises in a manifesto. The plan was simple, feed them, water them, tempt them, pay them,,, then win by a landslide. When results came in, mheshimiwa saw dust, smoke, fog and heartbreak all combined. He didn’t even come third,, he came a distant fourth, collecting a humble 526 votes, including the ones from his chefs, his bouncers, and maybe two Homabay damsels out of pity. The humiliation embraced him like a wet bedsheet. Out of pure anger and the need to teach these professional money eaters a lesson,,, mhesh called for a Thanksgiving ceremony at his mansion. People arrived smiling, expecting chicken, pilau, and maybe round two of coastal ladies. But immediately they stepped in, the bouncer closed the gate with the confidence of Gachagua, then started distributing blows of national importance. The beating was thorough, some received uppercuts that reset their M-Pesa PINs, others got “flying kick ndira” that deconstructed their dental formula. As we speak, several victims are in Kaspul District Hospital sipping glucose water through their veins like Jaba juice. The bouncers truly gave them a free deep tissue massage, the kind that rearranges your organs alphabetically. Let this be a warning to those who enjoy free money from waheshimiwa,,, one day, after eating their money, they may serve you a beating that will fast-track your journey to Sayuni without a return ticket. Chesaa!!

And here we are, showing this tweet

❤️🥹 @IanWright0 knows how special Ebere Eze will feel after scoring his first @Arsenal hat-trick

Eberechi Eze #2 #ARSTOT

🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Arsenal make move for Eberechi Eze + 27yo wants them. Tottenham lined up deal with #CPFC today & player but after Havertz injury + #AFC now closing in on England in’l. If he proceeds with choice, #THFC will pursue other targets @TheAthleticFC nytimes.com/athletic/65653…

North London is red.

James 4:6

Bedsitters must be respected 😂

Former harambee stars coach Sebastian Migne taking Haiti to the world cup as we combat gang violence in their country!!.

OBURU OGINGA Oburu Oginga is the only living human being who claims to have obtained a PhD from the U.S.S.R. (now Russia), without stating the field of study, and who upon return to Kenya more than 50 years ago, never taught even in Primary School. Oburu has never published even a one stanza poem to his lovely wives. (Maybe the Midusa The Cat will start penning newspaper articles for him to make him look like a Russian PhD which never landed). When I was a child up to the time I joined the University of Nairobi, Oburu was a full-time drunkard in Mombasa, before he was NOMINATED a Councillor. In 1982, when Jaramogi, Raila and others were being arrested and persecuted by Moi, Oburu hid among the Giriama like an envelope. It was not after Jaramogi died and Raila started working with the Moi tyranny that Oburu was rehabilitated and soon found himself IMPOSED on the people of Bondo, then Siaya. Despite the political CAPITAL of The Jaramogi name, Oburu never rose beyond being “The elder brother of Raila Odinga.” In 2007/7, 2017/18 and from 2022, onwards, it was Oburu and someone I will not mention today, who constantly insisted that Raila had to BETRAY the Kenyan people for 30 miserable pieces of silver. Ruto has bought Oburu Oginga very cheaply. He was one of the charlatans Bishop Ongijo was sounding alarms on. I’ve said it. Now, cowards, charlatans, hypocrites and opportunists are free to wail. The People’s Patriotic Coalition marches on. Viva!

@TheJonyVerma Hi

2025-quater- finals Tanzania 🇹🇿 2026-semi finals Uganda🇺🇬 2027-Finals Kenya 🇰🇪 This has nothing to do with Afcon ⚽ 🤦 Impeach | Idd Amin Mama | 2027 General elections | Junet |

@K24Tv This guy is an ICC candidate in waiting

Farouk Kibet slams Uhuru Kenyatta for staying politically active

@Auba We love you too Gunner!!

I love Kenya man 🤣❤️💪🏽 🇬🇦

Same handler from cocaine highway expose?