NotJesse

Sometime I worry about ageing and then I remember how cool Steven Tyler is

Maybe the real shareholder value was the friends we made along the way

If my hearing gets worse, I’ll just buy louder speakers

I went three for three at the dmv so my drive need not be tested

“Sensitive content warning” means someone dies in the video

I think micheal from vsauce could spit bars if he put pen to paper

Call me a Pokémon the way I’m bagon my bullshit

I might try and become the world champion of curling because I surely only have to be better than like 40 people

I thought they were taking calculus since they always trying to find my limit

What came first? Mount Rushmore or the presidents?

My bank bouta see the amount of times I misspelled my own first name, and just not give me an account

Call me an alchemist the way the metal stays on me full-time

If you wanna hit on a girl named Emily just say “I think the em in your name is silent”. Works every time trust

Guys be worrying about the economy while balding. Like dude you’re worrying about the wrong recession

I’m terrified of how easily I can eat a whole large dominoes pizza

The word heyday is spelt wrong

You ever see a picture of you that’s so bad you start doing pushups?

Pulled up to the wedding in 1’s

I just read one of my old tweets and started crying laughing

I wonder if mosquitoes know what has blood in it, or if they just shlorp everything they land on