Riley

For my birthday can you just pay my parking ticket, apply for my health insurance and find me an apartment thxxxxxxx

Thinking about getting mutton chops

If I contort my naked body in a specific way I look like gollum. And I have to live with that.

And by new year new me did you mean a more physically and mentally ill version than before

My mom ain’t ever trying to have a conversation with me until I’m on the toilet or in the shower

Drank a celsius n fell asleep an hour later, my body is a temple 🙏

I’m only ever late so I can remember how badly you want me there

Just found out I have a medicine cabinet.. really thought it was just a mirror

I know when my family is going to sleep because one by one they all turn on their max volume brown noise

The flight attendant just gasped at the state of my boarding pass

I know a pickpocketer isn’t gonna find shit in my bag because I can’t even

I fell down the stairs and Alex thought it was a bit

If I ever tell you a story forgetting we experienced it together… just know I barely experienced it myself

I’m paying my uggo dues today so I can be beautiful tomorrow

Idk if the guy in the back chain smoking cigarettes made this 3 hour bus trip smell better or worse

I leave for one day and Alex is posting his ass on the internet

Ya’ll make wishes on ur eyelashes, I make wishes on my neck mole hair, we are not the same

Just called a street an aisle in my head, she love to shop 😭

If someone ever tells you “I’m a very curious person” just know they questions boutta be shit

Yall ever have a cursed ass interaction and then have to move on with ur life as if it never happened