Viz Top Tips

MAKE people assume you died of Covid by disappearing for 4 years.

@m_shuttleworth DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

@VizTopTips Indeed

@m_shuttleworth Mark?

@ReporterLaurenB @PaClampitt @Examiner @EmmaDavison10 "in drink"

Police told Town fan to stop swearing so he told them to f*** off examiner.co.uk/news/police-to…

@2fonk this was good but you over-did it and came across as desperate.

Convince friends you've won the lottery by putting first class stamps on your Christmas cards. @VizTopTips

Yep twitter.com/VizTopTips/sta…

@VizTopTips. Save £18 billion and keep the #Heathrow locals happy by training pilots to use both lanes of the runway.

twitter.com/PocketVenus11/… twitter.com/PocketVenus11/…

Wow.

Give your meal that expensive restaurant look by drizzling your HP sauce in a cross cross pattern. @VizTopTips

A garden hanging basket liner makes a handy Donald Trump wig for your next fancy dress party @VizTopTips

AMERICANS. Make the UK's disastrous political choices look relatively sane by electing Trump as your president. Or Hillary.

NORTHERNERS. Instead of leaving the EU, try leaving the north and moving somewhere proper like London.

#IMMIGRANTS. Rebrand yourselves as EX-PATS, then British people won't expect you to learn English or integrate @VizTopTips

ENSURE that you don't get your tips retweeted by supporting Trump and writing for the Daily Mail. Also make sure they aren't funny.

They will be pretty pissed off when they read this. twitter.com/DanColesHero/s…

Have I got enough sane followers to make this ignoramus want to leave twitter? Probably not. twitter.com/AMDWaters/stat…

@Kyle_babes you've obviously never been to a supermarket in London.