becs (STILL FUCKING IP)

you can’t ask me for my hobbies and then get mad when I tell you it’s getting high and binge purging

@not_fully_here_ YUUUP

@beckstaa just standing there glancing around like

Hey google how much eye contact is appropriate during a conversation

My rooms bathroom is flooding with literal poop water I wish I was joking bro

“You’re our greatest ED success story” after just purged all the medications they gave me just for the feeling of it (I kept down my highly caloric breakfast)

@m2401035 No general hospital

@beckstaa Are they ed specialist?

new low I just binge purged for an hour and a half in the hospital with my ND tube in. They turned off the feed because I’ve been “doing such a great job with eating” (I’ve been binging until I can’t move and apparently they cannot tell the difference)

@Zoalfcedancers You’re so fucking awesome soppy I’m so proud. ATIVAN IS THAT GIRLLL

just wanted to announce that i’m 20 days purging free,, for the first time in over two years. holy smokes i thought this was impossible. thank you Ativan, thank you hospital. but i miss it so bad and am so close to bodying a funfetti cake

been IP for so long I’ve forgotten what the breeze feels like it’s been weeks since I’ve been outside

I <3 food

@vampirceline It’s turkey and it is somehow MORE dry than it looks

@beckstaa Jesus christ wtf is wrong with that chicken (?)

If it isn’t beige and dry is it really hospital food

@edtwt_mary Thank you for always showing me love and support Mary. It’s a fucking demon dude ikyk what it feels like. Just a pendulum swinging to and fro to 2 evil, evil extremes. Thank you my love

@beckstaa I fw the parts about feeling as though purging is always an option, and how trying to recover just feels like going from an/bp to bed, mood fr:-/ Mistakes are normal esp w/ smth as addicting as purging, ik it sucks but you're not letting anyone down. You trying is very inspiring

day 15 in the hospital and I just broke my purge free streak. I was doing SO well. They had me NPO for 12 days, and I recently got the chance to eat again and I overdid it and I purge silently but the family I’m sharing a room with definitely know what just happened.

@Zoalfcedancers This is beautiful. Love how it’s ensure PLUS specifically this is so fucking real

what i made during art group <\3

The people who showed up for me during my time here. The nurses and doctors and family who are doing their best to support me in recovery. Sorry for the melodrama I’m just having a really low moment. Promised myself I wouldn’t purge and I couldn’t even do that for half a month

I’m disappointed in myself. Getting nutrition really did lift the brainfog and make me feel like maybe I do deserve a real life. But I know as soon as I get out I’m gonna relapse in restriction/BP and spend my time hiding it from people who care about me.