Henvy đã retweet
-- on losing today (19 tourney streak broken)
I am relieved. the hunger to do greater left me & i stagnated - less discipline & my head got big. i was losing the plot, even if it was unintentional - i prioritized other things like content over improvement ingame, and got less consistent gym, sleep & eating in.
im not saying ive devolved over the last couple months, but a large part of me has been questioning "why am i even competing - beyond the physical like money & pride?" and "why am I so different & negative on stream recently?"
ive had to tackle these questions for a while & after losing today and seeing the most negativity ive ever gotten since ive started as a creator, i understand again, i had just forgotten.
first off, ill say I don't care what anyone thinks or says about me, and its always been like that. I think if you did, losing & getting hate would destroy you as a player or creator. you have to let go of the strength you give to the opinions of others & their chaining effects on you.
but it opened my eyes to the fact that i still have thousands supporting me even through the loss, whether its just cus they enjoy my gameplay or actually stay because they like me. losing recently has made me feel relieved. it reminded me that im not this special "giga talented" player and its proof that through the right methods anyone can improve and succeed. Naturally, there was some cope, some mean things were said that i regret - im not perfect. I genuinely am happy for the win of floormen because I know some of them and how much work they put in to get this win.
i started because the game was fun and I love it. winning is cool, & being one of the greats is too. I think that'll naturally come with hard work & self reflection.
but the reason I compete is
to inspire & teach others to do better in game & out. to have them know that they can also become whatever they want to become, & that you are free from your past if you let yourself be. that you CAN change. the reason I even started streaming & trying to go pro is because I said to myself "but imagine if I could pull it off"
the winning is the culmination of all efforts put into one event.
so even if that doesnt happen, its alright. im not upset at this loss at all, & im glad i could actually take some time to reflect - but that doesn't mean I don't want to win. I had fun, I love playing with my team, and I love inspiring others to believe in themselves and be more positive. those are the reasons i play comp.
I can confidently say i've been reinvigorated. I will wake up tomorrow as a brand new person, not as the one who lost or felt sorry for himself yesterday, but as a new person not tied to his past. I know I couldve done so much more to win, but I won't let that affect me. And whether we win or not next time, im okay with it. just gonna do the best I can in the right way. Lets lock in, eat 3 meals, get good sleep and hit the gym.
more good vibes & healthier ego.
and to the new future person, if you're ever struggling to find your reason to keep going come back to this post.
or just listen to the right jcole songs
o7
English
