shepherd

doing dishes and had the thought “the sink helps you with water”. such a hauntingly dimwitted sentence to produce that im actually a bit frightened now. there’s no way the brain that produced that thought is capable of making something of my life. time will tell

my bus driver going hither and thither bro

how it feels to be passively suicidal

i'd slit my own nothing just to see if you'd do nothing

got it

there was a violent lawnmower collision in my living room today

jerk your nothingburger penis

if my weird sex tweets have typos PLEASE do not tell me. that era of my life has passed. i don't want to think about it anymore. chances are, i don't know.

BREAKING: Two people have climbed to the top of the Empire State Building in New York City, holding a banner from the skyscraper's antenna reading, "When the power of love beats the love of power, the world knows peace." As of now it's unclear how the pair reached the top of the building as police work to get them down from the spire, 1,454 feet above the ground.

@TNOQuoProQuid looking forward to the "what would you do in this situation?" cinematic universe

@Denteesi so if I was sucking ur dick you would find out

the first person to give a blowjob was lowkey crazy for that. the first person to get a blowjob was brave as hell.

BEEN REALLY GETTING INTO HURTING MYSELF WITH JUST A FEW THOUGHTS. BEEN TRYING TO HURT MYSELF WITH ONE REALLY BIG SUCCINCT THOUGHT. SO THAT IT’S LIKE MORE EFFICIENT.

love it when a feminine gay man is super strong and buff like okay fruit punch i see you

there is an adult lion in my mailbox and it is angry at me

watching someone on pinterest maks "perfect chewy lemon cookies" and moaning and biting my pillow

referring to my partner as "my thingy"

@deaunteee most of the kids i know who were homeschooled were only homeschooled to a) avoid mandated reporters b) keep them away from other kids who show them how their homelife is odd never anything about academics, otherwise they’d be in a private school

Yearning fantasy tips from a PRO‼️ All sexual: you're just physically attracted to them Mix of sexual and/or only intimate: more than physically attracted Fantasies about going on a grocery trip with them while you watch them browse as they hum a tune: you're fucking cooked