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@michaelianblack Hahaha should've made that face nonstop on the #jococruise

@Strange_Animals omg that cleavage

Marketing consultant lady just texted my bf "I'll let you know my thoughts on your ass" 😂 she meant to say ads #damnautocorrect

@shrinkboymd her parents wanted her to be happy to have everything they never could they named her "fortune" but everyone called her "miss"

@shrinkboymd or when you want to laugh at the misfortune of others and turns out you were watching a top ten reel of your life

@nihilist_arbys shiiiiiit lol

I asked a friend what he wants for lunch and he said "depends" who tf eats diapers for lunch

Fish eyes or goat eyes #undecided

@hannibalburess i like it

@Deadspin @shrinkboymd different strokes for different folks

@Brockway_LLC you never wanna visit your own ass for the first time and then find out its capacious roomy and full of windows

@drewmagary ugh and how sometimes i dont insert the chip card deep enough and i just get that look from the cashier #doinmybestwithwhatigot

@shrinkboymd your new cussword has confusing connotations i just get angry AND titillated #anotherperiod

@shrinkboymd sometimes pills are so brightly colored they look like candy

@SatanLibrarian /rubs librarian

@strange_animals have you seen this the video playback made my dog go like WHOA m.youtube.com/watch?v=cBkWhk…

Dat moment when best man at a wedding says "I dis-drink-ly remember that time when..." #freudian #pregaming

Fly invades my apt I grab the windex and I'm like "it's go time mofo" #windexkillsflies #lifehacks

@shrinkboymd @Noratoriou5 stop watching me before work rofl

"dude why arent there life size puppets you can crawl into and control from the inside" "yeah man thats called a costume" #costcoconvo