Beaker, Esq.

Como se dice “belt to ass”?

@Tyrand_dquan I get that, but some things are worth respecting. You can’t go around irony-poisoned about everything. The sport of golf is a gentleman’s game open to all that treat the sport with respect. Part of the magic of Augusta National is that the club and the tournament command that.

Lol it's not the vatican

@jpt2345 My problem isn’t with him having his phone. It’s the sideways hat and the middle finger at Augusta, a real sanctuary of the game. Doesn’t matter to me if he’s in the gates or not

@BeakerJD He’s outside the gates lol

Nobody has any respect for Augusta and the sport of golf anymore. This feels like the first year the Masters has completely jumped the shark

@vladmcstonkey I genuinely had to block the guy. I don’t mind people acting like a douchebag in bars and the sideways hats and stuff but there’s a time and a place and Augusta ain’t it. The fact those idiots went when there’s thousands of people all over the world who have never gone kills me

@BeakerJD Cliff Roberts would have Fred Ridley hung from the Big Oak if he was around to see this bullshit

The year is 2035. You wake up on a Thursday morning and turn on the Masters. The honorary starters — MrBeast, Bad Bunny, and LeBron James — have just hit their opening tee shots. They are all wearing Malbon. The chairman of Augusta — the founder of the Savannah Bananas — steps up to announce the tournament is underway. They cut to commercial. A 90-second ZYN ad featuring the Kelce brothers. It’s a tradition unlike any other.

April Fool’s is my least favorite day of the year. Got pranked so bad one year I’ve got my guard up like a madman

Everybody acts like Bruce Springsteen is “the voice of America’s heartland” but he’s from New Jersey. Motherfucker might as well be Truman Southern

@pantstent I thought you were joking when you told me your plans. Props sir

Death. Taxes. Tiger Woods flipping a car. Big Rob golfing on a Friday. These things are inevitable

@bigrobbbbbbbb The only Masters-related dream I’ve ever had involved me standing on the 12th tee on Sunday, completely unable to get the ball to stay on the tee for an hour. Managed to get booed at and Jim Nantz called me a “scourge” for holding up play

Had a dream last night that I won the masters (shot -14 for the tournament), hoping to go for the next leg of the career grand slam tonight in my dreams

D’Wan Mathis was gonna be the next big thing until God smote him with a brain tumor that made him play like he was touching the orb of confusion from SpongeBob

Day 135. Shoutout Helmet. White boys need to bring this energy back

@rboudreaux4645 Tuscan raider language

Just saw three mystery meat foreigners carrying groceries on their heads while walking home from work. Two of them were having a speaker phone conversation in some sort Tuscan raider language. Can’t stand this shit.

Guy that just drove past me windows down blaring INXS must be having the greatest day of his fucking life

Julio Teheran, if you can hear me, the Braves need you. Please save us Julio Teherán, si me escuchas, los Bravos te necesitan. Por favor, sálvanos.

Will not accept St. Ex slander

@chadbunsen Thanks for picking us to beat that nerd Robby Avila and St Louis

Give. Me. The. COUGS

Eating a leftover corned beef sandwich for breakfast

Randy Walters is a son of a bitch youtube.com/watch?v=u4Aiuq…

So much for my last hurrah Australia trip