Callum

I don’t get why I feel bad all the time when I drink 8 glasses of water a year just like you’re supposed to

Waiter: How did you find your meal, sir? Me: Yeah, it was nice. Waiter: That's not what I meant and you know it. Me: Another waiter told me where you hid it.

oh cool. the music. literally the one thing i've been trying not to face

@LoyleCarner He's gonna be smashed by quarter to ten 😂

My brother got two As in his a levels and he’s at the foxley hatch weatherspoon table 6. You know what to do.

My nan recently passed away and my mum received a sorry for your loss card from her work, and look at this, you had one job zoe ffs

@Jordan_Coombe Good one mate bet you're so proud of this purely original tweet twitter.com/CharlieDewey/s…

me: gimme something strong [bartender sets down an ant] this little guy can carry 50 times his own body weight

in just a few short decades there will be grandpas named Chad

@NUFC @CopaAmerica @Albirroja @PLinUSA Fuck off announce Rafa

🇵🇾 Miguel Almirón’s Paraguay qualified for the quarter-finals of the @CopaAmerica after Ecuador and Japan’s 1-1 draw on Monday night. Read more: nufc.co.uk/news/latest-ne… #NUFC

My middle names are never going to be the same again

@Draytonmanor why is G Force closed today?

@ibby_008 @AymanAl_i @Mark_Champ20ns Haha good joke Ibrahim, you should write that one down for future reference, I'm crying with laughter.

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy Thanks for that Kylie

@CaIIumHowden @SamJHandy He’s already blaming himself for not being able to play as good as he wanted and people keep giving him a hard time. No Liverpool player went to him when he was on the ground

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy Sam I'm gonna need you to bale me out of that joke

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy But then again it's pretty childish considering karius isn't handling things very well at the moment

My Dog Can't Get Comfortable: A Compilation

nothing tells me I'm prepared for summer more than my wardrobe full of black clothes