chically

@samo_skey So it wants to use your own skin. 😞

Then, the voice on the other side changed entirely. It dropped into a deep, vibrating, unnatural baritone. "I said open the door." "Her skin is too tight for me." I looked down at the small, two-inch gap beneath the wooden door. A pair of pale, bloody hands were desperately trying to squeeze underneath the wood.

I live in a packed "face-me-I-face-you" compound in Mushin. Sixteen rooms. One communal bathroom at the extreme back of the dark yard. By 1:00 AM, the usual shouting and generator noise had finally stopped. The yard was dead silent. The heat in my room was suffocating, so I grabbed my bucket and soap. I walked across the dark, sandy compound to shower. The bathroom door is just a thin sheet of rotting wood. I slid the rusty bolt shut and turned on the tap. The water splashed loudly against the slippery tiles.

My older brother sent a package from Abuja through a night bus. He forwarded the driver’s number to me on WhatsApp. "He will get to Ojota park by 5:00 AM," my brother wrote. "Go early before the agberos start making noise." I set my alarm for 4:30 AM. Lagos is a different kind of quiet at that time. The air is cold, wet, and smells heavily of diesel and dust. I parked my car outside the motor park. I pulled my jacket tight and dialed the driver's number. It rang twice. "Hello?" I said. "Oga Samuel," a voice replied. It was incredibly raspy. It sounded wet, like the man was gargling thick liquid while trying to speak. Every breath he took was a heavy, rattling wheeze. "I am at the park," he forced out. "Come to the back and carry your waybill."

They posted me to a remote village in Taraba for my NYSC. The kind of village where there is no MTN network, no streetlights, and the heavy bush starts exactly where the back of your lodge ends. On my first day, the village head called me aside. He didn't ask about my degree. He just gave me one strict rule. "If you hear a baby crying in the bush at night, cover your ears. Never answer. Never open your door." I laughed it off. Village superstition. I was a city boy. I didn't believe in Bush Babies. Until last night. It started exactly at 1:00 AM. A thin, piercing wail cutting through the dead silence of the forest. Waaah. Waaah. It sounded exactly like a newborn infant. Abandoned. Freezing. My heart pounded in the dark. I lay perfectly still on my mattress, staring at the ceiling.

It was past 11 PM. I was drinking water in the parlor when the glass cup slipped from my hand. It smashed into pieces on the hard floor. My grandmother used to warn us when we were small. "Never sweep your house at night. You don't know who is waiting outside to pack the dirt." But I was too tired to care. I didn't want to wake up and cut my foot in the morning. I took a broom, swept the broken glass into a dustpan, and opened my front door.

@boye4christ2006 Tandi gurana, shwepps bitter lemon, crush, mirinda

One drink is missing here. Only legend can know it. What’s the drink that’s missing?

@aproko_doctor If you were a bacteria, would you not want to live? Let the bacteria breathe..

While you sleep at night, bacteria sit in your mouth and eat whatever is left in your teeth for 6–8 hours straight.  That’s how cavities start and how morning breath becomes a personality for some people. Please, always brush before bed..

If you want your kids to get better at Mathematics and any other subject, get them to watch JoyLearning TV on YouTube.

@baba_Omoloro I saw an owl

If you saw the tree, you're left brained. If you saw the jumping person, you're right brained. What did you see first?

I bought 3,000 Naira suya from Mallam Garba at the junction. My usual late-night routine. He handed me the warm, heavy parcel wrapped in newspaper. He didn't smile today. He just looked at me with deep, unsettling pity. "Eat well," he whispered. I got home, locked my door, and sat on my living room rug with a full cup of garri I unwrapped the paper. The aroma of the yaji spice filled the room. I had already eaten three thick, chewy pieces before I looked down at the newspaper

@samo_skey My chest tightened"

It said the fire started at exactly 11:45 PM. I snatched my phone from the floor. It was 11:43 PM. I jumped up, sprinting toward the kitchen to check my gas cylinder. But the kitchen door wouldn't open. It was locked. From the inside. I banged on the wood, screaming for help. Nobody answered. But from the other side of the door, I heard the distinct sound of someone striking a match. Once. Twice. And then the heavy smell of raw cooking gas flooded my living room.

@samo_skey Say Amen please!

It was 2:30 AM at the Cross-Over vigil. The church auditorium was packed. Hot. Sweaty. The Pastor’s voice boomed over the massive speakers. "Close your eyes!" "Grab the hand of the person sitting next to you!" "Hold them tight as we pray!" I closed my eyes. I reached my left hand out blindly over the armrest of my plastic chair. Somebody grabbed it. The hand was rough and dry. Like old wood. But the prayer point was intense, so I just gripped it tightly and started speaking in tongues. Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes. I squeezed the hand as the prayer peaked. The hand squeezed back. Hard. So hard my fingers went numb.

@lloydagainnn Yeah 😂

@Chicallyzen and it;s very accurate yeah?😂😂😭

do y'all blow on your food when it's too hot or do y'all just hasafasha until you can chew it??

@baba_Omoloro That's it!! I'm done with x for the day. Why does my imagination get so alive and vivid.

The sweat from a man's underarm can help women relax, boost their mood and help regulate their menstrual cycle, if applied to her lips.

@Chicallyzen I’m not evil😭

@vuga001 @_99George Didn't you imagine the way it was handled by the seller? The condition and concoctions they added, the state it was kept..my goodness eww.

@_99George after observing all of these, you still decided to eat it. You deserve what you got

I think I ate fake pineapple yesterday. My stomach has been fucked up since yesterday. The color, the taste and the look of the pineapple was weird but I decided to overlook it 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

@baba_Omoloro Slovakia? Slovenia? Signpost? Schengen? Wait? It's almost at the tip of my tongue.

Name the country.

@kingademak @baba_Omoloro 😂😂

@baba_Omoloro Zidane

@samo_skey First off, are you evil? He said,any "evil neighbour listening" you are not evil na, so it doesn't apply to you. Unless.. you are evil and you don't know it. But it knows you and what you are!

It happens every morning at exactly 5:00 AM. My neighbor, Brother Matthew, starts his morning devotion. Lagos apartment walls are thin like paper. I can hear every clap, every stomp, every violent prayer. Usually, I just cover my ears with a pillow and force myself back to sleep. But this morning was different. His voice was louder. Raspy. Angrier. He wasn't praying for blessings. He was cursing. "Die by fire! Any evil neighbor listening to this prayer, I command you to choke and die!" My chest tightened. It felt deeply personal. Like he was standing right against the shared wall, shouting directly at my head. I sat up in the dark, annoyed and exhausted. "Neighbor, abeg I want to sleep!" I shouted, hitting the wall with my fist. Instantly, the praying stopped. Dead silence.

@TheOnlyKemi I'll tell the horse to give up, don't even think it, just give up.

What advice would you give this horse