The ParentNormal

Never get comfortable.

Say hello if you're at the Mom 2.0 Summit today in Nashville! It's one of the best parenting conferences in America. I'll be speaking from 2-3:30pm about how I've gone from making memes to publishing 28 books through my @wordplaygroundhog indie publishing business. #mom2summit

What age do kids learn to entertain themselves?? 😩😂

@mjf_dfw You’re right. 😂

Neighbors: (Boom, Boom, Blast) I could do fireworks all night! This is the best! Parents: The kids are gonna be awake all night. This is the worst!

Happy Independence Day! I'll be celebrating with kids who dictate everything I do or even think of doing.

You can search the entire internet faster than a kid can search their room for a pair of shoes in the middle of their room.

If you think texting and driving is dangerous, you don’t want to know how dangerous it is to be parenting and driving.

Threenagers talk like everything they say is a "reply all" message to everybody in the room with them.

The only thing kids hate more than getting in a bath is getting out of a bath.

It's impossible to pick up after kids. Seriously. You can’t pick up after people who never pick up anything the first time.

A toddler's arch nemesis is a closed door.

Kids do follow the five-second rule. It’s just that they believe five seconds is a VERY long time.

Toddlers always go the extra mile... when they are running away from you in a public place.

Toddlers dance the same way they cry: without inhibition.

Never throw away empty toilet paper rolls. That's wasting completely good telescopes. - Kids

Kids can hear the opening of a pantry or refrigerator from 250 miles away.

Toddlers are great at whispering if whispering means talking as quietly as they shout.

A consequence of having kids is always having rotten bananas too. There is no way to buy the right amount of bananas for kids.

Booster seats are excellent for helping toddlers who aren’t quite tall enough to crawl onto the kitchen table.

You will always know if your kid was playing in a sandbox because the sandbox will fall out of their shoes as soon as they take them off.