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When a new restaurant “does things a little bit differently”
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Dan(ny) Lempert
6.7K posts
Dan(ny) Lempert
@danlempert
comedian — @ucbtny & elsewhere— I love tote bags
NYC 加入时间 Ağustos 2010
1.1K 关注4.6K 粉丝
Tricked my bf into watching all three extended editions 😈
Dan(ny) Lempert@danlempert
[describing lotr to someone who hates fantasy] it’s about 9 childless queer friends teaming up to return a piece of jewelry
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Dan(ny) Lempert 已转推
(trying to make small talk) notice any patterns lately
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Someone needs to do something about supermarket prices I’m circling the yogurt aisle psyching myself up like I’m about to rob a bank
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Despite my best efforts, it is already lunch time.
A good moment to make you revisit some of my most tedious work.
“Jean & Scott,” episode 13
1/3
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I’m “making a list of things to discuss with the dermatologist”-years-old 👼
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How do I tell the person who lives in the apt below mine that doing nonstop, bad + loud Madonna karaoke by themselves is embarrassing? A note? Rock through the window? Kill myself in front of them??
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Dan(ny) Lempert 已转推
Dan(ny) Lempert 已转推
Unbelievable to be wearing full body armor and pointing a gun at a 19 year old sociology major and think “I AM THE GOOD GUY IN THIS SITUATION”
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Being over 30 & childless means I have 10k+ photos of pizza on my phone
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walking in the midwest is tricky cause im always startling pedestrians w/ my purposeful stride & bad attitude
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those little baggies for drugs are so cute whenever I see one I want to make a lil sandwich for a hamster so bad
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A remake of Sleeping with the Enemy & it’s just me cat sitting her
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