hi everyone. thank you for all the support you poured into my fl yappings, no matter how ridiculous they are.
i regret to tell you all this, but i will ultimately stop using this account because i have decided to focus on my married life with phainon going forward.
much love 💕
i actually know one lesbian irl but shes one of my close friend's gf and i highkey get the ick from her... so i dont think that counts as a friend.. BUT im very lucky to have bi and straight friends who r so supportive of me and always listen to my 33th lesbian awakening!
my lesbianism has been boiled down to sex and hating men by a lot of my irl friends btw.. dont even get me started on how many of them asked if im a top or a bottom... and when they r talking about men they would point at me unpromptedly and say haha u wont get it ur a lesbian
maybe i was lucky that i managed to act intimidating enough that ppl dont question it further, but surely i noticed that they started treating me differently.. either they stop talking to me or they start seeing my sexuality as a joke..?
anyways i eventually came to terms with not being attracted to men when i turned 19 but thats when the isolated feeling started.. i kinda get why ppl r surprised im a lesbian all the time bc i looked very feminine and had some kind of straight ppl mannerism (?)
but now i think my younger self was so strong to survive all that and i totally dont want to make them feel invalidated for crushing on men either.. like of course i want nothing to do with those guys rn but they were still part of myself that makes me who i am today
so i started thinking i might not even be into guys at all when i was in 11th grade... i ALMOST reached enlightenment there but i got a crush on another guy lol.. anyways it was horrific.. i used to hate on my younger self for being weak and fall for m*n
i had crushes on girls too but there were like 3 girls and 484 guys back then... unlike my relationship w my guy crushes, i always felt fulfilling and happy with the girls even though my affection was always unrequited... yeah its no surprise that i wasnt able to get a bf
i struggled horribly with comphet when i was younger, i knew i liked women since i was 12 but i was bi until i turned 19... wow crazy i know right.......... i was boy obsessed even, id always try to have a crush on a boy and make my life Very miserable....