been a couple of years since anything felt real. got that academic comeback, cleared CFA L1, got the intern role i wanted, everything i thought would finally make it feel worth it. but it didn't. it's just….. quiet. numb. like i've been chasing things for so long that i forgot what any of it was supposed to feel like in the first place.
somewhere along the way, i think i lost myself. turned everything into checkboxes, milestones, the next thing to unlock, like if i just kept moving i wouldn't have to sit with whatever this is and it works for a moment, just enough to keep going. then it fades, every single time.
now it just feels like i'm stuck in this loop i don't really understand. chasing things out of habit, not even desire. not even sure what i'm trying to prove anymore, or who i was before all of this. just….. here, going through it, hoping something feels real again.
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