Whorechata 🫶🏽

“IM MARRIED” - Pearl

@AndyAlvarez She is! We can’t manage to keep her inside too often so she is outdoor and gym kitty! She brings us dead lizards inbetween meals, loves a chair and protects us adamantly from birds. 😂

@CocoTweetin Is there an update to this? Are they still around?

Sooooo unexpectedly, Julius and I are now cat parents.

Julius texts my mom about 90 day fiancé, I text his mom about Catholicism. We are fucking killing it at being married dude.

i don’t need a period tracker i just wait until i catch myself feeling like eren jaeger and i know she’s on the way

sometimes i wanna socialise but i don’t wanna talk. i just want to be around like a cat

This is better than any of the 43 songs Drake just dropped.

YouTubers be like “wake up at 4am and run, that’s alpha!” No, it’s not. Look at apex predators; they’re all lazy. Bears hibernate, lions sleep all day. You know who wakes up at 4am and runs? Squirrels.

He just bought ammo for his gun, make the next powerup a Max Ammo

The idea that "30 days builds a habit" is a joke to an ADHD brain. I can do something flawlessly every day for 3 weeks, miss exactly one day, and my brain will permanently delete the entire routine

I’m not dying from some fucking hentai virus

I know our assigned Amazon drivers HATE when I get paid.

Nothing hits like a mid day Vietnamese coffee.

Not paying a lot of attention to the timeline did Klay Thompson try to assassinate the president

Babe is such a lame nickname, please refer to me as Sorcerer Supreme

My wife has entered her age of empires era 😍😍

literally console players typing in chat 😭 it’s so adorable when it takes a while for them to reply like yes cutie take your time

Doja Cat after placing #6 on Fortnite during tonight’s Twitch stream 😭 “Yo, literally suck my f*cking p*nis from the back while it’s folded between my b*tt cheeks and literally f*cking eat that. Eat my n*ts, eat my b*lls, eat my f*cking c*ck.”

I know our fedex and Amazon drivers hate us for everything we’ve ordered for this home gym 😭

“whose pussy is this?” Yours if you can answer my riddles three

Once you see this move from your boy at the bar —it’s time to get the crew out of there