cat.

I will punt this disgusting little runt this piece of garbage weasel I am going to pick him up by his ear drop him and then kick he will fly and hit the wall and explode and blood and guts and rhghhghhhgg I want to punt this green little ball of flesh disgusting he will be punted

@amazonmilkfrog can’t believe ashland avenue and irving park road aren’t on here smh

pallas's favorite intersections in chicago: - armitage and hermitage - hoyne and lemoyne - foster and kostner - paulina and lunt

i am a girl and i pee standing #penis

@stickydacat i think this is a car seat headrest lyric

I put a finger in her and its GONE. I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

@JacobJcbmths62 @SuperBartjee ratcheting restraints have multiple ratchets and hydraulic restraints have 2 extremely strong hydraulic cylinders

@ItsCat322 @SuperBartjee It mainly that the safety harness is going to fail and I'm going to fall out of my seat.

Just got this from a colleague and I’m crying. I laughed so loud the customers in the shop actually heard me 😭😂

@JacobJcbmths62 @SuperBartjee it’s impossible for rides to fail in the way seen in the movie

@SuperBartjee Nightmare fuel, roller coasters give me final destination main character syndrome

If you have a trans fem friend and want to make them feel seen, give her 500 trillion billion dollars into her bank account now

@mangoconruedas is that the person that puts their phone on the cans

IM CRYING?????????

People might not like it but the ideal Spider-Man status quo is Peter coming to terms with being a transgender woman and starting a throuple with MJ and Felicia

@Weezertuah applecutter01

what if instead it was called apple fools and i ate an aple

@RiverWibber @KrystalWolfyAlt youtu.be/jBLFm6ElN7Q

@KrystalWolfyAlt Penis is Aphex Twin yeah?

@gramdrescher @TheRogueCora this was exactly what i thought of lmao

@TheRogueCora whatever you do, don’t ask a Pekin high school alum what their school used be nicknamed

May I introduce you to some Illinois favorites. The Hoopeston Cornjerkers and the Centralia Orphans

flint and spheal

@kingpminch litten my beloved

I'm gonna prove something. I have a Google Doc of every single Pokémon, from 1-1025. COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE and I'll add your name until we've found someone who likes every single one!

@AlternateCosmi cup cup

@Hashes2Ashes i deeply understand his plight

Was just in the waiting room of the HRT clinic. Some dude gets out of his appointment, looks at me and says "Damn! Why is everybody always stunting on me whenever I come here? Everybody is always fitted the fuck out out!" and left 😭

@awawawhoami @SarahBurssty you’re maia

@SarahBurssty hi

oomf has a wikipedia article and was on the front page of the world news and is actively wanted by the US government but spends all day tweeting about Minecraft speedrunners

@stinking_man oh my god it’s the guy that’s getting hunted down by an extractor fan

I love instagram reels this is so beautiful

@suchnerve there’s a place in my hometown that i have ordered the same thing for my entire life and only a few times have i ordered something else (pb&j pizza my beloved)

“I ALWAYS order the same thing from that restaurant!” I know what you are

@cisgenderhaver don’t be mean it’s his first day :(

why is this sign stuttering at me

My gender identity is illegal, my politics are illegal, my 3D printing hobby is illegal, my career making apps that don't steal data for the government is illegal, but at least I'll always have ketamine.