Ersatz

I’m schizophrenic and my IQ is 147

Sat in a silent train carriage with my Thai wife. She said a few broken words. I responded. She said "uh, huh," pretending to understand. Felt ridiculous, embarrassed, the both of us did. Felt guilty, but it dissolved at home when I held her. Got out of bed and wrote this tweet.

@reluctantmutant @ex_ai_gf Lol

@ohficklething @ex_ai_gf You sure? x.com/i/status/20647…

Emotionally vulnerable people who express themselves through writing ought to be told that their poetry is shit

@Brumairian What would I do without you?

@ohficklething Your poetry is shit

@ywerrrz Going to bed. Goodnight.

I sold my copy of Peter Sloterdijk's Critique of Cynicism and I said (out loud) "The next time I read this, I shall read it in German" and my father weeped and said "I wish you had become a nurse" then I stole his beer.

@ywerrrz @loveroftrvth What noises do you make when you do such activities?

@loveroftrvth The christian larp continues...

I think an annoying theme in religious dating is that men can accidentally self-select for women who are completely sexually uninterested by avoiding women who are modest on the topic

@ywerrrz @loveroftrvth

@call1me1ishmael None of the girls you’ve been harassing take you seriously anymore. Thanks to me and my fun little account @goodkitler. That’s the point. You’re a laughing stock. Bye!

@call1me1ishmael How do you expect me to take you seriously after this 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@ywerrrz fucking pussy

@lampadafilii Ugh I’m sooo bored let’s take off our clothes

@lipstickparty Oh, stop

@ohficklething Farmer's daughter STUNS in madras hat

@cavempty_ Yeah

@ohficklething ketchup

Terminally ill and four months away from death, you are offered, by a man ignorant of your condition, lessons to learn to play the Tuba, an instrument which requires at least five months of practice to play with any capability. Do you accept his offer?

@rahuprincess This is the best answer

@ohficklething yeah but on one condition. if i am able to learn to play 3 songs on it by the end of the day he has to give me the tuba. i'm able to do this, and then i sell the tuba and skip town. i blow the tuba money on alcohol.

@Shire_Knight @rahuprincess Don’t ever talk to her like that again you ugly piece of shit

@rahuprincess @ohficklething That wasn't the offer you autist

@birdwingsbyrumi No

@ohficklething Mostly straight woman. Now is the man hot or not??

@birdwingsbyrumi Are you a homosexual man? If so, this question doesn’t apply to you

@ohficklething Is the man hot

@edgyjson Good answer

@ohficklething yep. anything for bigger tears at my funeral