Andrew Blakeley

@ComediansFpl on the theme of Sheffield snow + football... Sheffield Wednesday's Josh Windass had to pick stranded players up in his 7-seater all terrain vehicle so they could make the game. When he scored he did this celebration twitter.com/swfc/status/16…

@ABlakeley Have been raging about this for months now... They are literally sending emails with "tips on how to stay warm this winter" suggesting we go buy blankets 🫠

There's something perverse about energy companies advertising the fact that thousands of their customers can't afford to pay the bills that they're charging them, and then acting like a hero for helping them a bit.

(yes I am watching the football while I work)

Hello @elonmusk my name is Brian Butterfield. I have started over 3000 (and counting!) businesses in just over 30 years. I think I can help

@Pestilence__666 @david8hughes You gotta go in eyes open, then they taste dreamy. Nobody wants surprise egg!

@david8hughes @ABlakeley Yes. I tried them on my family in a blind tasting and one did a little sick in her mouth.

Why isn’t anything egg flavoured

@andywhitlock Thank you! Appreciate it

@ABlakeley sure thing. I’ll dm you

I’ve been playing with Lex.page, an ai-powered writing aid. It’s pretty impressive. For instance, I wrote the first line only:

@andywhitlock If you still have one you're willing to spare, I'd be keen to try it out. Thanks!

P.s. I have 5 invites. Shout if you want in.

I know physiognomy is out of fashion, but you only need look at Gavin Williamson's face to know he's a prick.

Just wonderful editing, bringing together my favourite thing with my least favourite thing.

@chrissssmith Her lectern is doing a U-turn

Has anyone done the 'WHAT EACH LECTURN SAYS ABOUT THE HIDDEN CHARACTERISTICS OF OUR LAST FIVE PRIME MINISTERS?' click-bait article yet? If so, Liz's Lecturn clearly reveals she is a psychopath

Always check the double meaning of your headline

🤡

Looks like The UK Economy has joined the Anti-Growth Coalition.

The person making decisions on our public health, including plans to reduce smoking. Hmm.

Old people on the other hand...

@jonnohopkins welcome back

Ended my twitter break for this

Say you will, say you won't Say you'll do what I don't Say you're true, say to me

You wonder how Tottenham Court Road could get any worse but hats off to whoever signed off the massive gold Jeffrey Dahmer