High Func. Alcoholic

@pocono_mtn @GaetaSusan Its where the pee is stored

@alxfllws Hope that wasn’t to me. They are generally monosyllabic insults about red bull

Clicking send on that email you've been writing for hours is about as exhilarating as life currently gets.

@jchelle36 WRONG Every British person knows it’s 1) Microwave the tea bag (2 mins) 2) Microwave the milk (26 mins) 3) Microwave the microwave (2 mins) 4) Add room temperature water 5) Stir 6) 2 sugars love

@WardieJerusalem @AFP That was a rollercoaster

Spanish porn star Nacho Vidal, who likes to advertise his aromatic candles shaped like male genitalia on Twitter, has been arrested on manslaughter charges following a man's death during a mystic ritual in which he inhaled psychedelic toad venom @AFP u.afp.com/3dss

@rooshv Looks like a scene from Akira

@KAYXSUU Nope. I did it at 27 and it was one of the best decisions of my life

is 22 too late to attend a 4 year college? i really want to go to an HBCU

2020 is very spicy

@DaftLimmy F

“Prince William tells how bad eyesight help him overcome anxiety of giving important speeches - Evening Standard” Is...isn’t he a chopper pilot? apple.news/AAdreaJ_tTjy6u…

Best get a cat fam.

@ShanRose14 Oh dear he’s a ‘stand up wiper’

As if I had this photo up on my insta for 37 minutes before noticing that my boyfriend is literally WIPING HIS ARSE in the mirror behind me, sound asf x

@funnyellacool @JoshxSupreme03 @prescodmarcell1 I’m an alcoholic and a geologist. Why would I buy that bag? I could only fit 1 wine and 1 rock in there. #knowyourmarket

LV bag and ray ban sunglasses are on sale today @Functional_Alky @JoshxSupreme03 @prescodmarcell1

I miss Pangea

@fras99 Deadpool Sweet

@benshapiro Poo Fighters

Jethro Dull

The intense fight I have ever seen 😂😂😂 twitter.com/bestfriendze/s…

@AventuraObscura I though she was buried with her favourite bong

This power line happened to be laid straight through the skull of an Anglo Saxon woman buried in a previously undiscovered 6th century graveyard.

@klstudio_ Fennel

Hi all! My daughter is doing a school survey to find out what is everyone's favourite vegetable. I would appreciate if could tweet me yours, for her tally chart (she's excited about getting tweet messages back too!) 🥦🥕🍄 Thanks!

@_youhadonejob1 Black Cheese