Nick

the hands of both King Charles and Trump are in pretty bad shape today (Mandel Ngan and Jim Watson/AFP via Getty)

The orange turd is going to invade The Falklands.

@giftedrascal Adopt a greyhound next.

We're now best mates!

Someone has brought their dog into the office for the afternoon. Just been playing with her. Today has been a good day

Diana Abbott sticking the boot in.

@coyleneil What emails are you getting about?

Damp squib today. I’ve had zero emails about it and the statement is already repetitive. The process has been changed to prevent anyone slipping through again and Mandelson’s gone. Badenoch weaker than ever - and Davey looks an opportunistic hypocrite.

The FBI guy is on a paranoid bender and won’t leave his room. The War guy quotes bible passages from Pulp Fiction. The Health guy collects raccoon dicks. It’s an Idiocracy on steroids.

She’s actually cruel. She forced her assistant to go into a fire, took the oxygen mask given to them by firefighters, and put it on her dog. Then she sacked the assistant for not finding it funny.

Reporter: Do you think it’s appropriate for King George to meet with members? Boebert: I wouldn’t meet with him. Reporter: Why not? Boebert: 1776. I have nothing to do with King George or the royal family. I am an American first.

Woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic, and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth. #ApostolicJourney #Cameroon vatican.va/content/leo-xi…

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Cut Penis off Raccoon tmz.me/ao1s3h6

JUST IN: FEMA official who repeatedly claimed he teleported to a Waffle House has been "sidelined" from operations and ordered to stop posting about teleporting.

When you see your taxes being spent on feeding children instead of bombing them.

A wise man once said, "Open the strait or I will covfefe". Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Police have issued a warning after suspected poisoned meat was found in two west London green spaces, leaving animals seriously ill and dead. bbc.in/422dUHi

@Beigerevenge They can't afford Clapham.

Went to a pub in Oval yesterday and it was full of proper tossing the pill around with Chuggsy posh kids. Didn’t know Sloanes lived that way now

Iran never won a war, but never lost a negotiation!

There is a poodle wearing pearls on my tube.

Our elegant FLOTUS upon hearing she will now be taking possession of the $70 Million 737 Max luxury jet ordered by Kristi Noem. Allow me to be the first to welcome Hank to the mile high club (and prob Barron).

A Trump insider opened a $51,000,000 oil short position — hours before Trump announced a ceasefire with Iran. This guy is now 16 for 16. $170 million in profit. A perfect streak. This is not a talented trader. "We placed the bet." "The ceasefire dropped." "We cashed out." Sixteen times in a row. That is not skill. That is not instinct. That is not research. That is someone who knows what is coming before it comes. Think about what that actually means. A private individual is placing a $51 million bet that oil prices are about to collapse — hours before a sitting president announces a ceasefire that collapses oil prices. Not once. Sixteen times. Zero losses. There are only two explanations and both should terrify you. Either someone inside the White House — or with direct access to it — is leaking ceasefire negotiations to traders before diplomats, before the press, before the American people hear a single word. That is insider trading. That is corruption. That is a federal crime. Or the timing of the announcement itself is being shaped around the trade. Which is worse. This is not a genius investor who reads the news faster than you do. The news hadn't happened yet. He wasn't reading the news. He was getting a phone call. While Americans were watching the ceasefire announcement and feeling relieved — somebody already knew. Somebody had already bet $51 million on it. And somebody was already counting their winnings. You are not watching a free market. You are watching a White House with a side hustle. Via~ Really American

"sorry lads, the Madri's off"