Mike Derrick

@_HMSP @ireallyamahuman @jackbuckby It’s 100% Welsh 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

@ireallyamahuman @jackbuckby Sweetie, look at the web address We literally beat you in your own cheese competition

Did it never occur to y’all to caramelize the onions, toast the bread, and melt the cheese?

@_HMSP Skinny with massive heads

@MikeDerrick44 Yeah, if our food was as bad as yours then we’d be skinny too 😂

@_HMSP United States rank 10th in the world obesity charts. UK 55th

Okay, it turns out the English believe that: • Caramelization requires added sugar • Cooking food adds calories • Making hot food fresh is nearly impossible • Bad food builds character • McDonalds is the zenith of American cuisine • Americans eat canned cheese

@anon_opin Only if frontman

When bands lose an original member they should just split up even if it's just the drummer or the bassist

@SHW0001234 @MoutonIsAClaret

@MoutonIsAClaret Yes, clearly I was having a seniors moment - no eggs in Béarnaise. I couldn't decide whether the green leaves were tarragon or mint - I rarely use either. Assuming I guessed wrong - eggs, mint, shallots, white pepper...... I'm completely stumped.

Sauce prep. Can you name the sauce?

@binance Definitely Football as it was invented in 1863, American Football in 1869. Besides the ball is in hand for 90% of the game in Gay American Rugby.

Are we calling it football or soccer?

@sunQ_osrs @sophieraiin Ha gaaaaaaay

@sophieraiin Actually looked horrible, you have absolutely 0 skills for this; upward deer in the headlight gaze, shoulders are asymmetrical, body is too loose [not because ur a whore] and you're overswinging. Don't quit your 9-5, and by 9-5 I mean your online prostitution gig

my first walk at miami swim week 🥹

@VincentSco72192 The King has no such right. He is a figurehead.

Hope to God Trump leans on the King to dismiss the government and get them a general election Really is the only option at this point

@DillyHussain88 @5Pillarsuk Harder to find wives when they are not closely related to you 😩

The vast majority are unmarried fornicators without the slightest clue about biblical values, morals or laws.

@sir_tennis @BBCPolitics @BBCNews It’s like choosing whether you’d rather eat dog shit or cat shit

@MikeDerrick44 @BBCPolitics @BBCNews Rather him than the Tit whisperer though.

"I'm not going to walk away and plunge this country into chaos," PM Keir Starmer says after Labour suffers early losses in English council elections Follow live results and analysis: bbc.in/3PtfEGT

@BBCPolitics Fucking morons!

Greens pledge £15 minimum wage for all workers bbc.in/42Gb4rL

@AdrianEdmondson Herring gull

Seagulls are annoying. Not only do they nick your chips, but there are too many species that look more or less the same. Anyone know what this one is? (South of France)

@fesshole Proper fess! What a cunt!

My dad died 25 years ago, and my mum died 5 years ago. Obviously I would give anything to have them back, even just for one conversation, one family party, one night. But I'm not going to lie - I do quite like not having to bother about Mother's Day and Father's Day.

@anon_opin *effect

The biggest political butterfly affect recently is that Obama roast on Trump in 2011, which has served as a catalyst for everything today. Here in the UK our political butterfly affect was when Gordon Brown called that old lady a bigot.

@MatutoMatuto @NoContextBrits What’s the problem? Just a light breakfast.

nao existe invadir metade do planeta e sua culinária ser isso aqui

@fesshole You will only ever earn minimum wage until you are a drain on the tax payer

18. Retail job and already sick of working but need to move out. People often shoplift on my shifts, sometimes leave beeping. Couldn't care any less, good for them really. I'm not defending anything for minimum wage.

@anon_opin May not be THE best but definitely my favourite

I've known multiple people who claim Bleach is the best Nirvana album. It clearly isn't. Not every musical opinion has to be some contrarian edgy take.

@JamesPGoddard90 Been banged more times than a deaf man’s letterbox!

The Epitome Of Broken Britain Bonnie Blue is pregnant with some random Tyrone and she’s out in Miami for Spring Break getting rattled by more randoms That poor child will be Harvey Price but 100 times worse

@BBCSpotlight Nice beaver!

How reintroducing beavers is changing our landscape bbc.in/3NEK3kF