Taylor Goodwin

This just in, I've been booked to perform Stand Up in North Korea.

Covid comes, goes and then comes back again. Its the John Farnham of infectious diseases.

I've downloaded the tracking app. I don't mind if the government can track me. All they'll see is a hot map between my house and Krispy Kremes

If you were stranded on an Island and could only bring 3 things what would they be? Australians: Toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Headlining @ HQ this Thurs! All new material

Just joined a gym so if anyone needs me just phone Anytime Fitness and ask for the guy who snuck in donuts.

@GeorgeValentin2 Thanks George!

@TaylorGoodwin__ I am George Valentine writer of 260,000 one liner jokes Taylor my good friend is right I complained to Guiness about Lemo they took the record of him for using 20 cue cards they are not allowed Taylor's great world record of 550 without cue cards is special

Teachers are a lot like Freddy Krugar, they wear bad sweaters and stop children from having dreams

Day 1 of diet: I ate pizza for breakfast and questioned if I could mix Fruit Loops into ice cream.

@Gmski @DawnWinskill @RealTimVine That's for most in a minute, most in a hour was a stage show

@TaylorGoodwin__ @DawnWinskill @RealTimVine Didn't know you did it on the radio @TaylorGoodwin__ seen clips of you on you tube, I thought I actually saw you attempting the record on one. Darn Mandela affect!

@RealTimVine Are you ever going to try to get your jokes per hour record back off of @TaylorGoodwin__ ?

@Gmski @RealTimVine That being said Tim is GOAT 🙌🙌🙌

@Gmski @RealTimVine The record in India was disqualified because of the use of cue cards 🙂 I currently hold the record at 550

@DawnWinskill @RealTimVine @Gmski I unofficially broke this record on radio but Guinness no longer allow official attempts because its too difficult to measure laughter. Tim would smash it

@RealTimVine @Gmski @TaylorGoodwin__ Or... break the record for most jokes in a minute? Have a look at this YouTube clip of the record being broken. I think you might recognise some of the jokes... Watch "The most jokes told in one minute - Guinness World Records" on YouTube youtu.be/LTIo_ugvD3s

Had a great time hiking 120km through the Flinders Ranges.. That being said my feet now look like they belong in Area 51

Got tickets to that Beatles movie.. Clerk- These tickets are for Yesterday. Me - Sorry I thought I ordered them for today? Clerk - No they're for Yesterday Me - Can I swap them for new tickets?... This went on for longer than I care to admit...😅😭

Just used that new FaceApp to see what I look like when I'm old. In fear, I have now purchased a gallon of moisturiser.

@ayyyShadi I think this is the one 😂

@TaylorGoodwin__ You’re fat. Go to the gym

Need motivation to go to the gym. Quick, someone give me your best pep talk

@mehdizaman89 This speaks to me

@TaylorGoodwin__ Sit down, turn on the tv, watch #EngvSA and see what fitter people than you can do

@Nikkers4you Ill give it a go now!

@TaylorGoodwin__ Listen to “in love with a camera” by the struts. That’ll get you pumping!!