Zero Star Reviews

Welcome to Zero Star Reviews - your home for the worst critic reviews of all time. DM me with requests. And SMASH that FOLLOW button!

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER (2026): "The movie is just another sign that Hollywood has once again driven itself to total moral, artistic, and creative ruin."

Great moments in moron criticism from the NYT, 1971

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN - TIGERMILK (1999): "I tried, I really did try to listen to this record...makes me feel ever so slightly queasy...Can't fault it, but won't listen to it." Evening Standard (UK), 7/9/1999

@JonErlichman @jennablan Doesn’t beat this though.

JEFF PROBST (SURVIVOR HOST, 2000): "With a personality that's more TV studio than base camp, Probst was like sand in suntan oil, the group's Where's Waldo figure who kept popping up when you least wanted to see him." Probst is about to start his 50th season as host.

It appears some in the British media took a cynical view of this little-known UK band hitting it big in the U.S. in 1993:

“(A comedy) shouldn’t be your favorite movie. Do you have any depth?”

@TerriersFan St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 10/6/1957

@ZeroStarReviews Could you share the source of this review? Thanks!

JACK KEROUAC - ON THE ROAD (1957): "Kerouac is supposed to be the spokesman for the 'beat' generation. Who beat them and why is not clear. His writing...is full of a provocative sound and fury but with about as much philosophical meaning as a Sears-Roebuck catalogue." 10/6/1957

THE PRODIGY - FAT OF THE LAND (1997): "It's great partying music, but shallow casual listening....awfully thin on substance and overly thick on hype, which could spell trouble for the Prodigy's attempt in bringing electronica to the masses." Waterloo (CA) Region Record, 7/3/1997

THE WHITE STRIPES (2001): "Critics are largely unimpressed...White Blood Cells has shipped 12,000 copies...But, bearing in mind that, earlier this year...Creed shipped more than 20 million copies...it hardly suggests a major shift in rock and roll." National Post (CA) 8/31/01

(Worth pointing out this is factually wrong - the critics went crazy for White Blood Cells.)

😐

MICHAEL JORDAN (2025):

Remember when?

ELF (2003): "You have to hand it to Ferrell, who sets some kind of record for wearing an idiotic grin, which never vanishes unless he's getting pummeled. And for my money, you just can't pummel this character enough." - Arizona Republic, Nov 7, 2003

GODARD'S BREATHLESS (1961): "Juvenile rubbish...utterly unbelievable-beyond the point of absurdity...a contrived bit of tripe... Lord knows, we have enough trouble with our native film production without importing France's soiled cinematic laundry." - Wash. Daily News, 11/9/1961

PRINCE (2025):