David Guy

@joce_leigh Me and my daughter had about 500 each and felt guilty, then we found out that my wife had 1,000 - but far more cunningly hidden. There’s a special corner of Hell for publishers who switch sizes mid-series.

I photographed some of my bookshelves recently. I am in the 3% that have over 1000 and yes, the more I have, the more disorganized it has gotten! I know where they all are though! I also got rid of so many classics after my degree thinking the library has them but now they don’t! @BookwormBean -moving discussion and deleting on the voting thread

@MavrocksGirl Saw this and realised that your dad sold that old answerphone.

YES!!

@Moonlight_myths A UK woman took a DNA test and identified her father. She made contact and the man told her that he couldn’t be the father. Turned out a local doctor gave free fertility help, when a husband had good sperm, he inseminated rich patients with it - and nobody would ever be the wiser

My husband decided to get a secret DNA test to see if our youngest daughter was actually his. He didn't ask me anything, never even hinted that he had doubts, and didn't give me a chance to explain anything. He just went ahead and did it on his own, then came to tell me about it later like everything could just be fixed with a quick conversation. We've been married for twelve years. We have two kids: our oldest is a ten-year-old boy and our youngest is an eight-year-old girl. All these years, I always thought our life was pretty stable. That's why this all feels even more absurd to me. According to him, the idea started getting into his head a few months ago. It all started with comments other people made about our daughter's looks. A coworker of his told him one day that the girl didn't look much like him. Then, at a Sunday dinner, a cousin of his made a similar comment. Things

@JackCaramac @ajcdeane In a world of celebrity endorsements, we had a garden bridge costing £50m+ for which no brick was ever laid. Our £100m bat tunnel and the Parliament refurb for many billions and rising.

@ajcdeane Not on the same scale but the Johnson government spent c.£900,000 on a consultation for a bridge linking Scotland and NI. This was found to be technically and economically infeasible, to absolutely no one's surprise. Almost a million pounds for something that could never work.

We have spent £180m on plans for a tunnel under Stonehenge. The project is now scrapped. You can be for a tunnel & think spending is a good idea (even if you think the cost of planning is silly). You can be against a tunnel & think spending is a bad idea. But *nobody* can be for spending on this scale with zero result. And yet that is a peculiarly British outcome. Nobody will be reprimanded. Nobody will see their career affected. But that’s £180m of taxpayer money just wazzed up the wall. Totally without repercussions. Multiply this by airport expansions & train route plans and Thames crossings and power stations and other examples you can think of yourself, and… soon you’re talking serious money.

@NSquirejohn @LivEchonews ‘Stella Rimington, KGB’

@LivEchonews Fantastic as DI Harry Naylor in the definitive BBC crime drama, Between The Lines.

Tom Georgeson dies aged 88 as family pay tribute to Boys From The Blackstuff legend liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool…

@s8mb There wasn’t much point in police buying BMW and Volvo pursuit vehicles that can’t exceed the speed limit either.

There's really no point having a domestic car manufacturing industry in Britain. The price of cars is set on the global market - producing them in the UK doesn't reduce the cost of cars here at all. And cars produce CO2. Why would we want this?

@AlisonMoyet At 60 or 65, many accepted ‘retirement age’. At 68, those paying the most tax set their own age - often closer to 55. Those with arduous and stressful jobs can only last so long, using the weekends to recover in time for the coming week.

I see the proposal that retirent age should be raised to 75. My question is - Where are these jobs going to come from? Given that the young and mid-lifers alike are struggling to find work.

@chefarchiepie @TheMonologist A generous offer but I’m washing my hair this evening.

@TheMonologist Anybody who needs someone to tell them this is humorous needs a large gin & tonic and hot sex 😂

JOHN CLEESE's reply to a 14yr old kid asking if he had a fan club he could join.

@mikeryan An interview Redford did with Michael Parkinson in 1980. At 10:20, the interview takes a turn that couldn’t be predicted - makes the interview more memorable. m.youtube.com/watch?v=7lKT2V…

I interviewed Robert Redford once. I was walking out after, he told me to come back because he had a question. “I noticed you had some questions written down but never looked at them. Why?” “Oh, if I’m looking at them I’m not listening to what you’re saying.” He smiled and nodded

@campervanwoman That’s actually the family pack - favoured for packed lunches.

I thought this hamper, spotted in a shop in Motherwell, was a nice gift idea for mothers’ day.

@bee_biker Remind me, why do they call you ‘Lucky’?

Had my indicator smashed, my helmet knocked onto floor and....dropped my phone in the bath. Happy Mother's Day to me 😬

@DrDStarkeyCBE Delivering measurable and reproducible outcomes should be the benchmark.

For thirty years the people of this country have been repeatedly told that experts are the answer to any problem. Need to build more housing? Need to invest in infrastructure? Need to manage the currency? Don’t worry! An expert committee will be formed! And yet the record of governance by experts in that time is appalling. Can you think of a part of the state that functions better under these people? Perhaps the truth that our political class fails to grasp is this: running a country is not a matter for specialist expertise, it is a political exercise. Decisions must be made that balance and sometimes override competing stakeholders, not constantly embolden them. The terrifying truth about our obsession with expertise is that it has nothing to do with the experts at all. It’s about politicians who wish to shirk the responsibility of actually governing. Fine. If they don’t want to do it. We’ll find people who will. #DavidStarkey #UKPolitics #PoliticalLeadership #Governance #BritishPolitics #PoliticalAccountability #PublicPolicy

@MerrynSW Those of us not exposed to lawyers and barristers imagine some respect for the law - if not justice. Lord Falconer (Assisted Dying) and others have demonstrated that they see it more as a form of origami with legislation to achieve today’s desired outcome.

Can't get much more damning that this. Yikes.

@CrimeLdn That’s robbery not theft. A much more serious crime.

Happened in Leicester a guy had scooter taken..

@ReaRepairs Where does that leave a Triton? Asking for a friend.

No more MOT exemption for modified vehicles then as the "within the last 30 years" bit has been dropped. gov.uk/historic-vehic…

@au_tom_otive Businesses suddenly appear to be unviable because they’re not getting the preferential treatment that some of their favoured competitors are.

@MissAlly_01 I’ve witnessed a fatal heart attack on a golf course (last words: ‘I f***ing hate golf’) very distressing. Ambulance driver went for a fag having informed his mates that when the police arrive, the body becomes the coroner’s. Wallet and car keys were taken for the wife’s benefit.

Golf courses are the fifth most common place for people to suffer a sudden cardiac arrest. Annually, 9 people die by lightning strike on golf courses & 2 die after being struck by golf balls. Statistics to embrace & pray about every weekend these days...

@rorysutherland Someone here used the term ‘upper working-class’ - those who’ve blotted their copy-book (mangled metaphor there) by becoming too successful in their trade. Ironic that those in the current government with Oxbridge, Harvard and MIT educations consider those folk beyond the pale.

As another Australian politician said of their Labor Party conference: "You used to get the cream of the working class at these events. Now it's the dregs of the middle class."

@Paul_L_OBrien I saw a post where someone created a Christmas room for their mum. Christmas 365 days a year and her favourite seasonal films - no gloomy news. My dad lived in a care home in Rotterdam. Daily at 3pm they played Pathé News from 50 years earlier. Well done, good luck to you both.

A few days ago I asked for prayers because I am taking care of my 89 year old mother who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. I am her sole caregiver and I’m with her 24/7 by myself. I received so many beautiful messages of encouragement and so many wonderful prayers, and blessings. Out of all of the hundreds of messages, one really bothered me. I’m sure the person who sent it meant no harm, but it stuck with me. This woman told me that it’s time to put my mother in a home and live my life. After reflecting on that message, I decided to explain my daily life and how it’s been impacted by my decision to care for my mom. I know I am one of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of people who take care of an elderly parent. My days never really end. I am constantly watching over, and worrying about my mom every minute of every day. I get my mom up in the morning and feed her, I then give her the medication she takes. After cleaning up after breakfast, I bathe my mom and dress her( things I never imagined I would be able to do) I wash her hair and brush it and make sure she looks her best. We laugh and I tease her a lot and we make an awkward situation as comfortable for both of us as we possibly can. Most days she has no idea who I am, but she knows my name and that I am here to help her. I always ask her if she would like to dance and she laughs and politely declines. After we get through that part of our day, i walk her to the bathroom and help her do what she needs to do. ( another experience I was not equipped for) After I help with her needs, I walk her to her chair and we put on the tv and she watches the news or listens to music. She cant see very well due to her disease, so it makes for a long day for her. Once she is comfortable, I start cleaning the house and doing everyday chores. I’ve fallen in love with the elegant and relaxing hum of the vacuum. It brings me comfort and peace. Yes, I know that sounds nuts. I do other chores then sit down next to my mom and keep her company as she gets anxious and nervous. She asks me where her parents are ( they both died 40 and 35 years ago) I try and deflect the question, or give her an answer that will make her happy. She then often asks me what my parents are like and where they live. We sometimes will take a ride to get out, but her mobility is declining, so we don’t get out too much anymore. After we have lunch and I clean up, we start the afternoon routine. A routine not unlike the morning routine, but slightly different. As the afternoon progresses, she begins to sundown. When that begins, the hallucinations and delusions increase dramatically. I do everything I can to keep her relaxed and laughing( while I’m crying inside) I watch her slowly fade away more and more everyday. Once dinner time comes and we finish eating, we try and watch tv, but she gets increasingly anxious and nervous. I do my best to keep her calm, but not much works. I try everything I can to make her laugh, but I often feel like a comedian who’s doing a stand-up act in a foreign county. I bomb and my jokes and kidding around falls flat. When bedtime comes, I help her go the bathroom, get into her nightgown and eventually into her bed. Some nights she goes right to sleep, but most nights she stays hallucinating and lashing out at me. My bed is in her bedroom two feet from hers and when she goes to bed at 8 PM, I lie down on my bed and help her to relax. Not surprisingly, she did this for me 50 years ago. Every so often, she gets up in the middle Of the night and has a small seizure and faints on top of me as I’m escorting her to the bathroom and we take an ambulance ride. She is very healthy physically, if you don’t include her debilitating brain disease. In fact, she is probably healthier than I am. This Thursday I need to have surgery and am so worried about what I am going to do. That is a story for another time. I could go on for many more paragraphs, but you get the idea.

@TomGallagher42 @daveguitarjones Your drive is commendable.

@authlink @daveguitarjones i suspect I can do them both at once. to be safe tho, think i might do the South Pole and The South pole to ensure i could tack the map at the lower corners too.

I'm going to hang a map of the world in my house and put pins in all the places that I have travelled to. But first I will have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.