brenda willis
801 posts
After months of blood, sweat, and sawdust, my fire pit refurbish is finally complete! Before and after shots below — love it or nah?
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@GuntherEagleman Basically none but we need to keep Kamala in order to laugh at her stupidity
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Choose carefully… and be ready to defend it in the comments.
This ought to be interesting.
I’m really sorry I’m making y’all choose. 😂
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Why the f*ck is there always a luggage store at the airport?
Who shows up on vacation with piles of clothes like, “Screw it, we’ll pack when we land”?
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There’s something about Ruby right after her morning breakfast that melts my heart in a way no words could ever describe. I treasure every moment with her because I know I won’t have her forever.
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@StraightFlorida No way!! There’s plenty of room here for sub shops, especially Jersey Mikes!! You didn’t target Jimmy John’s 🤷♀️
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New Jersey is trying to infiltrate our sub game and we are not having it. 🖕
Jersey Mike’s, get out of Florida!
We’ve had Pub Subs here for generations. Real ones. You come down here with your pretentious little “Jersey Shore” signs on the wall like we’re supposed to be impressed?
My douche, we have the best beaches in the world. Y’all’s beach is a rocky shithole with 14-foot waves and great whites. Two steps in and you’re drowning. Then you gotta listen to that awful accent while standing on broken shells.
Hard pass. 🛑
And now you wanna roll up acting like you’re the king of subs?
Nah. We got Publix. We can get Publix meat or Boar’s Head — two different premium options, not just one.
Our subs taste better, cost half as much, and don’t require a payment plan and 14.9% APR to afford.
Jersey Mike’s, kick rocks. 🦵 🪨
Take your overpriced sandwiches and your fake beach propaganda back up north.
Florida runs on Pub Subs; end of discussion. 👍
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If I wasn't already worried enough my daughter text me at exactly 9:11 to say she just got on the plane! Thankfully she's landed but geez 😳
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Sarasota is one of the most flamboyant, artsy-fartsy cities in Florida.
So when June hits and the Pride stuff kicks into high gear, even the ice cream man said “nah, I’m out.” 😂
This absolute legend took his truck, slapped some pontoons on it, and turned that bitch into a boat just to escape the circus.
This is peak Florida Man. Instead of dealing with teen takeovers and rainbow overload, he said “fuck it,” took his business to the water, and started slinging ice cream to people who actually use popsicles the right way.
Respect. 😂
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While my wife was trying on her new dress, she came out and asked me:
“Babe, how do I look?”
I smiled and said,
“From your hair, you look like an 18-year-old girl. From your face, you look like a 20-year-old girl. And from your body, you look like a 22-year-old girl.”
She lit up, blushed, and said,
“Aww, honey, you’re so sweet!”
Then she did a little spin and asked,
“So overall, how old do I look?”
I paused for a second and replied,
“Well… just add them all up.”
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The Redcoats are slowly recolonizing Florida. Every year more and more of them are moving here on a permanent basis. 🛑
Florida has a massive invasive species problem nobody wants to talk about.
It’s not the pythons. It’s not the iguanas. It’s the Brits.
These pasty twats keep flying over here with their wobbly bobblehead accents, acting like they’re inspecting one of their old colonies. We’re all tired of the unearned snootiness. You’re not better than us, mate.
You ran away from a rainy miserable island that serves beans on toast as a national dish just to come sunburn your fish belly skin in Kissimmee.
You’ll sit at a table for four hours, refuse to tip because “we don’t do that back home”. Must be nice saving all that money on tips and dental work while your teeth look like a row of demolished fences.
You drive like fools, walk around like you own the place, and still look down your nose at us.
If your culture is so superior, why the hell is half your country trying to flee it? You should be back home saying your five prayers to Allah.
Go back to your teabags and rain, limey. The sunshine isn’t for you. 😂
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Why I will not be moving to The Villages when I retire in a few years 🤣
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I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent. So I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink.
When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full, but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge.
That’s when I realized a juice jug had leaked, so I needed to clean it up. But when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare, so I started organizing it.
And that’s how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from the 1990s and not doing laundry.
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I will die on this hill;
Hamburgers taste so much better when the bun is toasted.
I said what I said. 🍔
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brenda willis retweetet
🚨 NOW: LA mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt just dropped an absolute BANGER, drawn from the theme of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Pratt's ads are SO GOOD 🔥🔥
No wonder Karen Bass is terrified.
He's surging.
KEEP PUSHING, @spencerpratt 👏🏻
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My neighbor is 66, but she still dresses and acts like she's much younger. What do you think I should do?
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@KatTimpf @Gutfeldfox So so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much. Take time and grieve and know that we are all thinking of you. Hugs
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My seemingly healthy, strong father Daniel “Dad Timpf” Timpf died very unexpectedly on the evening of May 7 at just 69 years old.
It does not seem like enough to simply call him my father, because he was so much more than that. He was my rock, my hero and my best friend. He was loyal, funny, kind, selfless, hard-working, and so devoted to his children that it was impossible to be near him and not find yourself inspired. He was a writer, a painter, a sailor, and somehow knowledgeable on every subject from world history to literature to accounting. He was the most dependable person anyone has ever met. I always felt like, as long as I had his phone number, there was not a problem I could not solve. I needed him here with me; I am not okay, and I am far from the only person who feels this.
The birth of my son in February 2025, his first grandchild, was supposed to be a happy new beginning for our family. A family that had been already once devastated by an untimely loss: the loss of my mother Anne Marie to a rare disease in 2014 just a matter of weeks after her diagnosis.
The joy of my son’s birth was, of course, complicated by my also very unexpected breast cancer diagnosis just a matter of hours before going into labor with him. During this time, my dad did what he did best, which was to save the day. As soon as he heard about my diagnosis, he simply got into the car and started driving to New York -- making it through the tunnel just as my son was born…on the day that happened to be his own birthday, as well.
In the tumultuous time of a simultaneous new cancer diagnosis and new baby, my dad was the sole reason for our stability, rushing in to help care for our son, and returning to do so again for my double mastectomy, reconstructive surgery, and any time that we ever needed him. It was an awful, awful year… but I found so much joy and hope throughout it by watching the beauty of a very special relationship form between my son and my father. This horrible thing that was happening was creating such a very special bond between the two of them -- almost making the terrible thing worth it -- and I was so excited to see how that bond would grow.
The bond was of top priority for my father, who visited from Michigan often. I saw him last on the Monday before he died, and my son was so proud to help his grandfather push his suitcase down to the car as he left. The goodbyes were quick. Why wouldn’t they be? We would all see each other again at the beginning of June, when we would all head to Texas for my shows and to see my grandpa. We wanted to make sure that my son could spend as much time as he could with his great-grandfather. He is, after all, 93.
I was certainly not over the trauma of my cancer or having to amputate the breasts I so badly wanted to feed my son with, but the one thing I could always count on to get me through my worst moments was seeing my son’s and my father’s faces light up when they saw each other, be it during the visits or our routine morning and bedtime FaceTime calls.
That is, at least, until I had to hear over the phone from a doctor I had never met in an emergency room in the same town up north that I’d previously announced to my father that I was pregnant that my dad was dead; I would never see him again, and neither would my son. It would turn out that last year was not the hard one, after all. Rather, it was the one I would now do anything to relive. I would amputate my breasts every year just to be able to speak with him one more time, even for five minutes.
I am currently living an unimaginable horror. For many people, this is a tragic story. For me, it’s my life. I do not know how I will recover from it. I only know that I have to for the sake of what is left of my family.
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I want to know where my followers are at.
What generation do you belong to?
I think most of you are Gen X!
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How many of my beautiful followers also live in Florida? :)
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